Honesty is Always the Best Policy

It might strike you as strange to see that I have chosen this topic today – or maybe not? It’s so interesting that we all lie through the day. We are lied to between 10 and 200 times a day, and we tell a lie ourselves, on average, once or twice in the same period. For most of us the lies we tell are those like, ‘I love that dress, it brings out the colour of your eyes.” Those little lies that we tell to save someone from feeling hurt if we were to give our honest opinion, that kind of thing. I mean, how many of us have told a little lie to our children to avoid having to tell them that you found their hamster dead in its cage? So, yes, we do all lie and when those lies aren’t malicious, I suppose it has to be acceptable, given that it is scientifically proven that we all lie a few times every day.

From the perspective of being lied to between 10 and 200 times a day, again, I would suppose that it would depend to a large degree on how much human interaction we have on a daily basis. And of course some of those lies are the same little ones that I’ve just mentioned. So what am I really talking about when I say honesty is always the best policy?

It’s not about being authentic, because actually what is authenticity anyway – just our own interpretation of something. We need to be cautious about being authentic and what I mean here is that if someone says do I look pretty in this dress and it is your opinion that the dress is not particularly pretty, the other person is not going to benefit by being given your ‘authentic’ opinion and so, best to keep quiet or say something nice. I’m reminded here of how I always told my own children if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. But I digress…

I’m talking here about absolute honesty. Honesty in relationships and honesty with ourselves. When we create expectations for others through what we have said or what we have committed to and don’t follow through, that’s dishonesty on another level. Relationships are messy, complicated, challenging, but they can also be so unbelievably rewarding and can bring so much pleasure, so much happiness and so much contentment. Relationships with everyone should be cherished. They should be treated as priceless precious gifts given to us that can never be replaced if lost. And within that cherishing, lies the absolute call for open and honest communication at all times.

We jeopardise our relationships in so many ways through fear – mostly to avoid what we perceive will be rejection, misunderstanding, anger, hurt and disappointment. Surely when we recognize that we fear these reactions from someone, we recognize too that that relationship means something to us and it’s for that very reason, that we should be open and honest.

One lie follows a lie and creates another lie and so the spiral downwards continues until every bit of your communication is based on lie upon lie. How then would you expect that relationship to work out? One of the harshest ways to hurt someone is to not trust them enough to tell them the truth. Is to not believe enough in the strength of your relationship to hide the truth from them. Once you become known as the person who is not honest in their communication, it’s difficult to come back from that persona that you’ve created. People will start to avoid any interactions with you because they will always feel like they cannot trust what you have to say.

Of course it’s never too late to change. And the work starts with you. Recognise that you have a tendency to be dishonest with yourself and with others, on a level that is detrimental to those relationships and through becoming consciously aware of when and how you do this, you can start to develop a shift in the way that you communicate. And it’s about facing those fears head on. Owning up to the fact that you have been dishonest, have the difficult conversation and come clean. If after that, the person no longer wants to be in your orbit, that’s their choice. At least you have taken the first step forward and you will feel lighter for having done it.