A Salute to Mothers Everywhere

I kept 8^th March open so that I could write the article myself. You see the 8^th March marks the 25^th anniversary of my mom’s passing. And then just as I was about to start writing, I got news that my lifelong best friend’s mom passed today (7th March).

So today we remember all those special and wonderful mom’s who are no longer with us. For those of my generation, our mother’s were probably the strongest and bravest women to ever live! My mother was 8 years old when the second world war started. Can you imagine what she went through? I remember her telling me of her and her siblings standing in line with food stamps to collect bread and the minimal amount of staples that was allocated to them. She endured so many hardships throughout her life.

Young women in the 50’s and 60’s generally left school early and went on to be married. They bore their children in their homes with the aid of a midwife and perhaps the lady next door as support. They struggled through ‘women’s issues’ with huge embarrassment and were completely discouraged from referring to their own body parts with the correct terminology as it was thought to be unladylike. Very young unmarried mothers were sent away to ‘homes for unmarried mothers’ to deliver their babies who then were given up for adoption, mostly without their consent, never even being allowed to see their babies or hold them just once. Can you imagine the heartache they endured? They were cast aside as cheap unworthy women who didn’t deserve a decent life.

My mother and I had a tumultuous relationship to say the least! Living through my childhood with her was difficult and at the time, I resented her for her lack of ability to show me love and give me a safe place to fall. But looking back now at her life, as a mother and grandmother, I have nothing but compassion for her. Fathers of children growing up in the 30’s, 40’s and 50’s were mostly absent. Even if they were home, they were isolated from their children and never got involved in the daily struggles of making dinner, looking after sick children and helping with homework etc.

My father got up every day and his clothing was laid out for him. He went to work and if it suited him, he would stop off at a pub on the way home and get home whatever time suited him. I know that he wasn’t on his own, it’s what men did in those days. It’s just how it was. For the most part, women endured their marriages rather than seeing them as a joint adventure where the load was equally shared and where they planned their lives together including their children.

And despite all the hardships and not being able to drive and not even receiving a small ‘allowance’ from my father, my mother did the most amazing things. She was so incredibly talented. She made the most beautiful weddings cakes, 21^st birthday cakes and young children birthday cakes. She was always baking! There was always a friend sitting in her kitchen having a cup of tea with her. She got involved in community projects that were run from the community centre close to our house. She walked there and back. She was always around on cake and candy sale days at school. She made cakes for the school to raffle for raising funds and never expected anything in return. She knitted clothing for us, we always had a warm jersey to wear. She made us clothing, sometimes from scraps of cloth that she had squirreled away somewhere and yes, no-one taught her to sew, she figured it out for herself.

When I got older and had my own home, she would walk to visit me when I was at home on maternity leave. She would look after my children at a moments notice, never refusing and never expecting anything from me. My children so fondly remember her big bed where they would get to spend the day if they were kept home from school sick. She would make them something special to eat and keep them entertained through the day.

Oh man, she loved to dance. I have memories of her making my father stop the car on the side of the road when a good song was playing on the radio, so that they could get out and dance in the street. She was fun-loving and so full of life. But there was another side to her that could get so deeply depressed and she had bouts of sadness that kept her distant from us and everyone around her.

Sadly she suffered a massive stroke when she was 49 and she was never the same again. In 1981 when it happened, stroke victims were not sent for therapy, they spent a few days in hospital and were sent home to cope on their own. She was on holiday when it happened and was brought home from the hospital in the car with my father, completely unable to speak or help herself to the toilet, feed herself or change her own clothing. Being the strong woman that she was, she taught herself to do everything that she was able to do before the stroke, with very little assistance from any of us. She was so determined to get her life back. But somehow her personality had changed as it often does with stroke victims.

Mom, today I salute you and say thank you for being my mom! I remember with great love, the many special and amazing memories that you created for me.

I ask you to join me in saluting all our beautiful moms in heaven. They will forever be held in our hearts and I know that you all treasure the moments you had with your mom, as much as I treasure mine.