I now had to put my claim in for the funeral policy to be paid out so that I could send it to Marc’s family to help cover the cost of his cremation. Once that was done I could breathe and allow myself to feel and to go within.
I contacted the company I had the policy with and advised them of Marc’s death. I had removed my ex husband’s name during my divorce proceedings and asked if I could replace it with my partner’s details. At that time I had told them that my soon to be ex was living overseas and that we had been separated since 2012 and that the divorce was in progress. All I had been asked for was a certified copy of Marc’s I.D. No other information was requested then or at any time afterwards.
No problem they said, the money would be paid out within 24 – 48 hours after receiving the claim form and required (standard) documentation.
I waited for the claim form and duly completed it when I received it. I had to wait for his family in Johannesburg to send me his death certificate and other documents from the hospital and funeral home that needed to be submitted. I received these after I had returned to work and on 16th October I submitted all the relevant documentation. I waited for payment only to then be questioned about my relationship with Marc!! I found this odd and replied that after my husband had walked out not once but twice in 2012, my divorce had actually taken 5 years of going backwards and forwards before finally going to court and being granted in 2017. I had only met Marc towards the end of 2013.
I was then advised in writing that they had established that Marc and I were not married at the date of his death and that the definition of a Life Partner (mine) is the person living with you who is accepted by the community as your husband (Marc!). They gave the entry date of my policy. They then said that according to Home Affairs I was still legally married to someone else and that they therefore could not consider my claim for Marc.
I was asked to submit a letter regarding my relationship status with Marc and how long we had lived together, which I did.
A few days later I was asked for a letter from someone who knew us both stating this and that Marc and I had lived together. I asked his ex wife to do this and she sent me a letter and a copy of her I.D. This was then submitted as soon as I received it.
Next they asked for a certified copy of my divorce decree! I came home and searched for my documents. Luckily when I received my divorce decree I had also been given certified copies so I scanned and sent off a copy to the insurance company straight away.
I had contacted my attorneys as I had been told by my attorney as we left the courtroom that my status would be automatically updated. Apparently this had not happened and they did not know why. I had never thought to check on this as I had no need to.
I then contacted Home Affairs to ask how this could be. It turns out that when I got married my ex husband, who was from Zimbabwe, did not have an I.D. He only got this 3 years after our marriage. As a result they could not link my I.D. with his and therefore the population register had not been updated. I had to now give Home Affairs a certified copy of my divorce decree so that this could be rectified. I am not sure why, when he applied for and received his I.D. our marital status was not updated as by the time we divorced it should have been linked! I have a copy of Mike’s application for his I.D. document and it clearly states on there that we were married, my name and my I.D. He also submitted a copy of our marriage certificate that had all my details on. Yes, you guessed it … I keep documents. You never know when you will need the information!
They then replied that they needed confirmation in writing from Home Affairs that my status had been updated. They also requested an updated divorce decree … you only get one! and I told them this.
I was fortunate to have a really helpful person at the insurance company trying to straighten this out for me but I was getting really frustrated. It seemed that they were trying to find any loophole not to pay out. They still insisted that they needed confirmation in writing from Home Affairs, which luckily I managed to get.
Great I thought… surely they now have the proof they needed that I was indeed divorced and they would now pay out … well, you know what they say about thought!
They now wanted an affidavit from a neighbour confirming that Marc lived with me… or from a priest… or a councillor!!! I am not a church going person and I don’t even know my councillor so how would he / she be able to verify this information. I could see my patience running out the door!!
I asked my landlady to do one as my flat is attached to her home. I have also known her for many years, our younger sons had been friends since pre-school … 29 years at the time of writing this. She wrote a letter, brought it down to me (we work in the same hospital) and I submitted that straight away. Double proof I thought … friend and landlady, who better to verify the situation.
But this was still not good enough as it was done in letter form rather than as an affidavit and it was not certified. I was getting even more frustrated. I had sent in every piece of paper they could possibly want including Marc’s divorce decree and still they wanted more! I was just waiting to be asked for samples of our DNA!!
It was the afternoon of 6th November and I was at work when I was called and advised of this. I wanted to put my head in my hands and weep such was my frustration! My colleague then offered to do an affidavit for me which she took to the post office to be certified, brought it back to work and I submitted that straight away. Surely this was now the last piece of information they would require. What else could they conjure up?! I held my breath and prayed hard.
Finally!! I received notification by way of a phone call from the lady who had patiently dealt with my frustration as well as an email confirming that they were now satisfied and that they would pay out. All this for less than R10 000.00!! The money was to be in my account in 48 hours.
On the evening of 7th November I was sitting at my computer typing when I heard a message come through on my phone. I checked and the money was in! I wasted no time in transferring this into the account of Marc’s ex wife as I had promised. This would help towards the cost of his cremation.
From his death on 27th September … it had taken 3 weeks before payment was finally made. I had returned to work on 14th October and in between dealing with all these frustrations I had to focus on work and catch up with all that had happened in my absence plus deal with all the paperwork on my desk from the time I had been off work. Now I could breathe and relax.
Looking back you can see how Spirit works in our lives… we just don’t see the big picture at the time. We are not meant to. It is part of our journey and with each experience or lesson we grow.
When Marc went back to Johannesburg to search for work he took most of his belongings with him. Neither of us knew what the future held. A few days later I went in for my 2nd surgery. When I came out I had 6 weeks of recuperation at home. Even though I am now back at work the healing is ongoing and will be for some time.
At the time Marc died he had still not signed his will and therefore died intestate. Everything he had (taken back with him) went to his children. He and I had discussed this when he drew up his will shortly after he came to live with me.
If you recall when I spoke to him about going back to Johannesburg to look for work I had waited for the timing to be right. I had had a feeling when the time came and that was when the “veil of clarity” had been put over me.
By him sorting out and moving his belongings back to Johannesburg it meant that everything was where it was meant to be and I did not have to still sort out and pack anything or get it all to Johannesburg nor did his family have to make arrangements to come and collect anything. I was definitely not physically able to exert myself and especially not able to do any kind of lifting.
Spirit had also made sure that he had time with his family, that everything was as and where it was meant to be before he crossed over. This is itself has been a huge blessing.
I am still amazed yet grateful at how everything worked out but at the same time I have seen how when we trust all is as it should be.
The radio is always on at home and music played a big part in our relationship. For many days before Marc left for Johannesburg Luke Graham’s – Love Someone played throughout the day. The lyrics are especially poignant…
There are days
I wake up and I pinch myself
You’re with me, not someone else
And I am scared, yeah, I’m still scared
That it’s all a dream
‘Cause you still look perfect as days go by
Even the worst ones, you make me smile
I’d stop the world if it gave us time
‘Cause when you love someone
You open up your heart
When you love someone
You make room
If you love someone
And you’re not afraid to lose ‘em
You’ll probably never love someone like I do
You’ll probably never love someone like I do
When you say
You love the way I make you feel
Everything becomes so real
Don’t be scared, no, don’t be scared
‘Cause you’re all I need
And you still look perfect as days go by
Even the worst ones, you make me smile
I’d stop the world if it gave us time
‘Cause when you love someone
You open up your heart
When you love someone
You make room
If you love someone
And you’re not afraid to lose ‘em
You’ll probably never love someone like I do
You’ll probably never love someone like I do
All my life
I thought it’d be hard to find
The one ’til I found you
And I find it bittersweet
‘Cause you gave me something to lose
But when you love someone
You open up your heart
When you love someone
You make room
If you love someone
And you’re not afraid to lose ‘em
You’ll probably never love someone like I do
You’ll probably never love someone like I do
You’ll probably never love someone like I do
You can only imagine how this song pulled at my heart but I knew that everything was moving forward for a reason and you have been shown how Spirit works. I think of him every time I hear this song and my heart is filled with sadness but at the same time immense love as I know he will be with me always.
Until next time…
Namasté
Yours in Love & Light,
Jenny
Jennifer Harris McGarvie
Hands on Healing
Author: Spirit Connection
Spirit Connection is an online platform to facilitate connecting light workers with people seeking their help.
