The Bread of Life

I was sharing experiences about when you believe God has called you to do something. In sharing, we spoke of the difficulties and hardships encountered on the journey, however, despite this we felt compelled to follow this call. This call cannot easily be described, but I can explain it to be as if I am being pulled towards something. Another explanation is that it is as if there is a steering wheel in my heart that drives every decision I make. It doesn’t make sense to anyone. Sometimes it does not make sense to me.

In conversation with my new acquaintance and hopefully soon good friend, we both agree that the calling has brought insurmountable hardships that neither of us would have thought of.

One of them has been, facing and confronting fears. Remember, God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, might and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). Light will shine on anything that can be a stumbling block to this. Nothing will remain hidden. The Holy Spirit will make sure that no stone is left unturned and whatever sin is hidden or conceived by thought is surrendered and repented from.

As we were talking, I thought about this scripture:

‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.’

(Matthew 4:4).

I realized then that maybe the hardships through valleys, desserts and wilderness experiences are aimed at removing the things that we rely on or trust in. The valley of lack is therefore aimed at removing these things and bringing our focus on God through his Word and trust in it completely.

The process of learning to focus on God is also where you learn not to rely on your own strengths, talents, skills, and knowledge. Perhaps that is why God isolated me. In this isolation, I had to learn to put myself or my ego to death and learn to make God my everything.

This was and still is not easy and probably the most uncomfortable feeling ever. As in every challenge, survival mode would kick in. There is a battle within between the self and the Holy Spirit. One has to give way to the other. The self wants to protect itself. I want to solve the problem on my own. Rely on myself and not God. Moving from my plans to solving a matter to becoming still and relying on God’s word is challenging. There were many occasions, where I had asked God, “what must I do then”? The response would be to rest in him and feed on his word. And so, I learned to rest and trust.

Now, though still resting in him, I diligently work from this place of rest. Resting that he is in control, in my corner and that all things will work out for my good.

I have gathered many experiences or “evidence” of God’s steadfast love, mercies, and faithfulness. The answers to my questions and requests to God, may not have been what I would have liked but there was provision. I therefore cherish my valleys, deserts, and wildernesses as it was my time with the Holy Spirit. Relying on his counsel and wisdom while be molded by God. I think I have a better understanding of Romans 5:3-5:

“…but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

I am in awe that God’s Spirit would respond to me. Who am I that God would respond to me? Some questions have remained unanswered though, but I trust God has good plans for me. Perhaps, the silence and quietness of the Spirit is where I am to believe and wait expectantly? Or maybe, there will never be a response.

I recall one evening in the initial phase of starting my venture, I demanded to know what was going to happen? An evening of distraught tears in the face of uncertainty and fear. I dreamt that evening that I was overlooking a desert. I saw this dry land. A person came to me and told me to that the streams are coming, and I should wait for it. Although, I could not make out this person, I knew it was the Holy Spirit.

These are but one of the many instances where the Spirit has spoken to me. In dreams, visions as well as the word of God. I think any other medium would be far too scary or unsettling. Dreams, visions, and the Word is my preferred method of communication with the Holy Spirit.

This is the new way of living for me now and the difficult seasons has allowed me to store up my faith account through the many experiences where God came through when it seemed impossible. These experiences create evidence for me that God is alive and present in my life.

Despite having lack, I was still able to give. I may not have given in finances, however, in living a life poured out, I shared the little that I did have. I also blessed people from my soul. I shared my knowledge on topical political and legal issues, I encouraged, and I comforted.

Hopefully, those that are watching me would witness that there is another way of living. Not on things of this world but living on the Bread of Life:

“And Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst.”

(John 6:35)

I hope people will see evidence of this in my life and be encouraged to follow Him. Amen

Zelna Jansen

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