The Enabler Child

A short while ago, I posted an article where we spoke about the Family Hero Child and today I would like to bring to your attention, the Enabler Child.

For the most part, children who have grown up in dysfunctional families have been given different labels as a result of the role that they played. My personal opinion is that whether or not our family was or is dysfunctional, we all have a role that we take on within the family dynamic. It seldom changes as we grow into adulthood. Through these various roles that we take on, we develop certain behaviours that act as our currency. And through these behaviours, we achieve a particular desired outcome.

As I’ve said before, children recognise very early on in life, how to get a desired outcome, through a particular behaviour. Some may see it as being manipulative. However, again in my opinion, we are all manipulative to some degree. It’s not to say that being manipulative is a negative trait. If you understand that every interaction that we have with someone is a negotiation, then you will see how through that negotiation, we manipulate to get our desired outcome.

Children take on these behaviours because they work for them. Within the dysfunctional family arena, they are known as

•The Lost Child
•The Problem Child
•The Enabler Child
•The Family Hero Child
•The Mascot Child

Each of these children portray a certain set of traits or behaviours within the family and these can range from being the good kid, the high achiever, to being the immature but cute kid, the shy and quiet kid, or the hostile and defiant kid. We all recognise these traits and if gone into in more detail, I’m sure we can recognise these traits within members of our own families.

Today I want to explore “The Enabler Child.” As I’ve said, these traits can extend into adulthood so perhaps even consider yourself and your own behaviours. The enabler child displays traits of being :

•Self righteous
•Super responsible
•Sarcastic
•Passive
•Physically sick (Often)
•The Martyr

However, these traits are most often driven because of :

•Anger
•Hurt
•Guilt
•Low self esteem

If you recognise yourself in any way, perhaps it is time for you to work on changing your behaviours so that you can achieve living your life the way you want to. By that I mean, being accepted and loved by not only your family but by other people in your circle. Building your self-esteem so that it’s not necessary to use sarcasm to mask your low sense of self. Finding ways that you don’t have to first ‘get them before they get you’, and you can bring an end to your passive behaviour and essentially present yourself to the world from a place of confidence and knowing yourself – not taking things too personally and not allowing yourself to be driven by your hurts and fears.

I have this amazing course entitled “Power Up – Dare to be Yourself” and if you’d like to find out more about it click here