26 Years Without Mom

Today is the anniversary of the passing of my mother – 8^th March 1997 – 26 years!

There are so many mixed emotions on this day every year. So much sadness that my mother never got to meet her first great grandchild – missed it by just 5 weeks! And of course all her other great grandchildren after that. Her youngest grandchild was so young, if memory serves correct, just 4 years old. She loved all her grandchildren so much and I know that they each have their special memories of her but what a pity she wasn’t given the opportunity to see them all established in their own homes with their beautiful children.

So much sadness for the life that I believe she missed. Mom was born in 1932, a child of the second world war. She was so outgoing and so unbelievably artistically talented and yet, coming out of that era – a young adult in the 50’s, as a woman, it was almost inconceivable that she could forge any kind of career, never mind in the arts. She had such amazing taste and it was reflected in her home and the choice of colours for her home and her clothing that she wore.

So much sadness that her childhood affected her ability to connect to herself and give herself opportunities to be first in line – even if it was just every now and then. I don’t believe it happened, even once!

Maureen Aletta van Jaarsveldt was such a complex person. She gave away her identity the day she became Mrs Jooste and I don’t believe she ever truly got it back. It was how things were, she was just living what was expected of her.

She was so incredibly extrovert and loved people – her funeral testament to this aspect of her with so many people coming from all over the place to pay their last respects – people I didn’t even know and I had been in her life for 39 years when she passed!

For someone who never got the opportunity to learn to drive, and who never had a telephone in her house, she kept up to date with fashion trends, as well as everything else that was going on in the world around her. I still can’t fathom how she did that! Her only connection to the outside world was her radio that played day and night in her kitchen, and yet there was nothing that she didn’t know – where to buy things that supported her favourite hobby and pastime – decorating cakes. This hobby actually went on to be a source of income for her in later years and in that way gave her some of the independence that she so needed.

On the flipside, so very many happy memories of her. One that really springs to mind, is her love for dancing and music. Dancing and music always happened in our house when I was young. This one particular day we were travelling somewhere, I can’t really remember, but she made my dad stop the car and turn up the radio, so that they could dance on the side of the road to one of her favourite songs! This is how she was. So full of fun and filled with loving life!

She loved to entertain and Christmas was never just us as a family – Christmas day would see so many other members of our family all gathered at her table to eat the food that she had so lovingly prepared for everyone. And then she would clean up after everyone as well.

As children, she filled our house with people, with love, with fun. She filled our lives with great adventurous holidays. She always gave so much of herself, unconditionally and that’s the one thing that always stands out for me in my memories of her.

I could go on forever writing this article and it could very easily turn into a book, but I’ll leave it here. What I would give to spend just one more day with her. To see her smile and hear her laugh. To share with her the love and joy that I now experience as a mother and grandmother.

The big lesson here, is to cherish every moment with your mom if you’re lucky enough to still have her here. Don’t focus on the mistakes she made along the way. Understand fully and completely that she stumbled through her life just as you have done. Be grateful for each and every single day that you got to share your life together – somehow it seems like it’s all over far too soon.

I miss you Mom!

Glynis