Stressed Beyond the Breaking Point

We often flippantly throw about the words “I’m so stressed” without stopping to reflect on what exactly that means, and how do we know are stressed, or is it perhaps anxiety or feeling anxious, and do we know the difference?

So, what’s the difference between stress and anxiety?

Stress is a short-term reaction or response to a recognized threat. Whereas anxiety can be around for a lot longer, and we can go through different levels of both heightened anxiety and reduced anxiety, depending on what the source of that anxiety is, and whether we can identify that source or not.

This is often why we can confuse stress and anxiety as being one and the same thing. So, when it comes to stress, we can respond physically, verbally, or emotionally and some of the symptoms we can experience is:

Feeling moody, feeling irritable, feeling angry and frustrated.
We can experience a sense of overwhelm and feeling lonely and alone, that we have no support, no one to turn to, to rely on, or to depend on.
In some extreme cases, we can experience feelings of nausea and dizziness, and some may even feel faint.
We can also experience, general unhappiness and find little joy in the things that used to bring us joy and pleasure in life,

When it comes to anxiety, we can feel:

Restless, agitated, and unable to relax,
Physiologically we can experience sweating on our hands or armpits.
Feelings of nervousness, a sinking feeling, or butterflies in your stomach.
A general unease or dread that something bad is going to happen.

So how does stress and anxiety affect us mentally?

Have you ever found yourself unable to concentrate or focus and make decisions because you can’t think straight?
Or perhaps you have felt so overwhelmed that you feel stuck, and that you are literally going around in circles?
Perhaps you have struggled to sleep because you are obsessed with thoughts about a situation or an event and how it might turn out?

These are all symptoms of how stress and anxiety can affect us mentally and our ability to operate or function in our normal day-to-day activities.

Stress and anxiety can have a negative impact on our relationships too.

Perhaps there were times where you were a little jealous, felt insecure or clingy in a relationship?
Were there times when you were defensive or aggressive and snapped at people when they are trying to have a conversation with you?
Perhaps you are one of those people that does not like to be left alone or on your own?

These are all examples of how stress can show up in our relationships and impact how we engage with people on a relational level.

Anxiety or stress can also show up when it comes to our work performance.

Stress and anxiety in the workplace can affect our ability to concentrate and focus and it can show up as various types of distractions which can affect our productivity levels.

When we are in a state of stress or anxiety, it can be difficult for us to ask for help because we don’t want to feel incompetent or look like we’re not coping.

The past 18 months of us experiencing the pandemic and working from home or online in a virtual world has been challenging for many of us, especially the back-to-back meetings we are having to attend. Our work hours are blurring into our personal time.

We are working longer and longer hours, leaving us both mentally and physically exhausted. It is commonly referred to as digital fatigue, but another term that is being used is having a popcorn brain. We are not wired to be online all the time and with all the distractions happening around us, this is what is contributing to that digital fatigue feeling.

Because we’re working from home, there can also be unrealistic expectations that because we’re at home, there’s no reason why we can’t be online all the time. Having no boundaries affects our emotional wellbeing, our physical health, and can spill over into our personal space affecting our loved ones. This can leave us fatigued and disengaged, over time becoming down or negative, and in extreme cases that can lead to depression too

So how do we manage our stress?

Learning to manage stress can help us limit the potential triggers, or the sources of our stress and anxiety.

The best way to go about this is to firstly understand:

What is the source or the cause of your stress and anxiety?
What are the types of situations, environments, or circumstances that trigger you?

If you know that kind of environment or situation is a trigger for you, then it will help to put some structures in place. Structure helps us to work through things one step at a time that leaves us feeling more in control of the situation and able to manage it much more effectively.

Some tips that may help you to manage your days more effectively is structuring your day such as implementing simple strategies and techniques to help you manage your daily stressors better by using tools that you can master for yourself such as:

Self-soothing techniques

meditation
listening to soothing, calming music
exercise or movement (exercise can be anything from gym to pilates to yoga to running to walking)
being outside in nature, walking barefoot on the grass or gardening (a simple little thing that you can take care of and nurture)
lying down and closing your eyes and resting, focusing on being fully present within your body and in the moment
Focusing on breathing techniques and breathwork (there are many apps that you can download for this as well)

Watch your self-talk

Being aware of our own self-talk, negative thoughts, and self-criticism.

Reframing is a technique used to turn negative into a positive and practicing self-compassion and self-kindness so instead say something positive for example:

“I’ll never be able to do this, it’s impossible. I’m never going to finish it in time”

Rather turn it from a negative into a positive and say something along the lines of

– “I know this is a big task, and it’s really going to stretch me, but it’s also a great opportunity for me to learn and grow.

It’s important to be aware of unhealthy coping mechanisms you may be using.

There are so many unhealthy coping mechanisms out there that you may be doing without even realizing that you are using them as a coping mechanism.

The most common one is alcohol. Sure, a glass of wine or beer here and there is fine but when you find yourself drinking every day, binge drinking or getting yourself into such a state that you pass out or don’t remember the amount of alcohol you’ve consumed, or the details of where you were and what happened – this is a red flag.

Are you making use of medication to cope?

We can use medication such as sleeping tablets and pain medication without realizing how much or how often we are using it.

For example, are you using sleeping tablets or pain medication excessively to sleep or reduce pain such as headaches, migraines, neck, shoulder pain, back pain, etc. it’s best to get it checked out by a professional as stress could be the culprit and overconsumption can cause an unhealthy dependency?

Have you found yourself snacking more than usual?

Emotional eating or snacking is another mechanism we can use to deal with stress and anxiety without realizing or being conscious of what we are putting in our mouths, or why we are doing it until it affects your weight. This could lead to other health problems such as diabetes, high blood pressure and even heart attacks.

Are you sleeping more than usual lately?

We can sometimes use sleeping as an avoidance mechanism to not have to face or deal with the issues and the challenges that we’re struggling with. So, we avoid it by sleeping all the time or using other escapisms such as binge-watching series or gaming.

Do you suffer from mood swings?

We may not realise that we are taking our stress out on others in the form of angry outbursts, snapping, irritable, short tempered, abrupt or being rude. All signs to be aware of and how you may impact the people around you. The risk is that if it is not managed over time, this can lead to depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harming behaviours.

Learning to overcome challenging situations in life helps us to evolve and progress in life as an individual, it helps us to build our resilience muscles. When we try avoiding it, we don’t learn how to become adaptable and flexible to deal with challenging situations.

What is important is that there is no shame in experiencing mental health issues. It is okay to put your hand up and say, I’m not okay, I’m not coping, and I need help.

Paula Quinsee: Growth Mindset Catalyst and Relationship Coach specializing in creating healthy relationships at home and in the workplace to co-create a more human connected world and positively impact people’s lives. Paula is also a passionate advocate for mental health and Gender Based Violence, an international and Tedx speaker and author of two self-help guides: Embracing Conflict and Embracing No. More info:

https://paulaquinsee.com/