Giving to Yourself

Oh how we have wronged our children teaching them that to want anything or take anything for themselves, is being selfish! Shame on us and shame on our ancestors for doing the same to us!

Taking care of yourself is absolutely the first thing that you need to do for yourself, today, tomorrow and every day. It’s what you should have been doing right throughout your life. Instead, you were made to feel shameful for putting yourself first. You were told that you were too big for your britches. You were told that you were vain, self-absorbed, egocentric and conceited!

It’s no wonder that 90% of us have no self-confidence and believe that we’re not worthy and it makes me so very sad. There’s a common thread that runs through all the challenges that my clients face every day and that is that they forget to place themselves on their list of priorities.

Why would you not prioritise yourself? It doesn’t make any sense. Yet, we do it and because we do it, we’re left feeling unappreciated, unheard, unloved, uncared for. Gosh, there’s so much work for us all to do.

Giving to yourself means that you place yourself at the top of your priority list and that you make sure that all your needs are met, every day – not just every now and then. Going for a massage once a year isn’t taking care of yourself. It isn’t giving anything to yourself. You are the most important person in your life. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that it should be so. To be convinced that this is the truth when you have been so conditioned to believing that you are not important and that your wants and needs don’t really matter as long as you’re catering to the wants and needs of others around you, is such a difficult thing to achieve.

And because you’ve been so programmed to place yourself last or not even in the race, to find a starting point is even more challenging. So here are some things that you can do to give to yourself :

Put self-care first, every day – you are important!
Invest in yourself. Learn a new skill every year. Go on that course. Attend that workshop. Engross yourself in that hobby.
Speak up for yourself. Don’t accept bad behaviour. Don’t be afraid to rock the boat just a little. Be the one that shows up for you!
Remember that everything you do is an act of love or an act of fear. Explore your motivations and be truthful with yourself.
Embrace who you have become because of your past, and if you don’t like who you’ve become, then take the necessary steps to change that.
The past cannot be changed – even so, be proud of how far you’ve come.
Believe that you have control of your future. Take control of that wheel and drive as fast or as slow as you choose.
Get to understand yourself, your motivations, your behaviours, your triggers. Work on intentional self-discovery.
Be gentle with yourself – watch that berating voice inside your head.
Find simple ways to incorporate healthy eating and exercise into your day.
Declutter your mind. Put your thoughts on paper along with self-development action points and work towards them.
Say no and own it. Be firm if it’s not important to you.
Create a flexible daily routine so that you get to do what you need to and what you want to.
Be realistic with your expectations and focus on your priorities. Remember those priorities must include you.
Get intentional about making your life count.
Avoid negative thoughts.
Meditate
Celebrate your victories.
Make it your mission to become self-aware.
Consciously and intentionally build healthy relationships with everyone including yourself.

I’ll leave you with these inspirational words from the greatly revered Ghandi : “The moment that you start to embrace how you have been formed and fashioned, is the moment you step into the very purpose for which you were created. Remember that our beliefs become our thoughts, our thoughts become our words, our words become our habits, our habits become our values and our values become our destiny”