As I lay in the bath on dark, bleak Monday evening, the 10th of October 2005, I called on Archangel Michael – I invoked his name four times with passion and anguish. Then I called on Archangel Zatkiel. It was a cry from the very centre of my being, made in utter desperation. My mind was a state of complete disarray and confusion. I was in so much pain, with no way out. I felt physically sick; I felt I had was losing my mind. My heart was broken, the bottom had fallen out of my world – a cliché that one only understands with such an experience.
I was housesitting in a small, relatively isolated cottage, in the woods on a farm. My relationship of four months was now over, and it seemed my very psychological foundation had crumbled. It was the proverbial straw, compounding all the pain from the previous break-up of my 26-year marriage and the insolvency of my businesses some time earlier. Wave upon wave of grief engulfed me, and I was drowning…
I had run a hot, deep bath, pouring half a bag of sea-salt in, combined with a liberal sprinkling of aromatherapy salts. As I immersed myself in the water, with tears churning in my eyes, I called a desperate plea for help. I called out to angelic forces beyond the human realm. I asked for the ‘Peace that passes all understanding’, which Eckhart Tolle, in his book ‘The Power of Now’ promised would follow such a dark night of the soul. I had lent this powerful book to my girlfriend, and it had become her bible for the past 4 months.
On arriving back at my cottage the previous evening, I found my ‘The Power of Now’ had been returned, together with everything else that I had lent or given her during our relationship. This ending was sudden, and unexpected, and extremely traumatic.
While running my bath, I picked it up and opened it at a random place, and read ‘So whenever any kind of disaster strikes, or something goes seriously “wrong” – illness, disability, loss of home or fortune or of a socially defined identity, break-up of a close relationship, death or suffering of a loved one, or your own impending death – know that there is another side to it, that you are just one step away from something incredible: a complete transmutation of base metal of pain and suffering into gold. That one step is called surrender.’ These words spoke right to the core of my soul.
Coincidence? No. I was being given specific guidance. And so, as I lay in the bath, in mental and emotional anguish, I called on the angels, then surrendered completely to what was.
This was extreme heartache, and the pain permeated every cell in my body, radiating out from my heart and solar plexus, into my head, to all parts of my self-identity. My life had crumbled. There was no way out, but maybe there was a way though. As I lay there, I surrendered to the isness of the moment. I surrendered to the unacceptable. I surrendered to the pain and disorientation and confusion of the moment. And then the miraculous happened; slowly, as I lay there in the hot, salt infused bath, the pain started ebbing away – dissolving into the ethers. Gradually I became aware of a peace and a serene calmness enveloping me, washing through my body and my mind. It was similar to taking a headache pill, and watching as the headache slowly dissipates, except this was no headache (I did have one as well, but that was just background compared to the heart-pain and disorientation I had felt. I watched as the pain and metal turmoil slipped away. I felt supreme peace.
And so began my healing, and the emerging of my new life.
Circumstances are sometimes shocking, and seemingly unacceptable – the pain and suffering we experience in life, unbearable at times. However, as we learn to surrender, and trust, so the miraculous enters. Surrender is the doorway through which grace can flow.
The supreme intelligence we call ‘Life’ has a plan for each and everyone of us. Sometimes, letting go is a greater act of love than clinging and holding on to what needs to go. Surrender is the key.
I end with a quote from the author of the Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle: “The journey into surrender is the journey into death; the death of time, past and future, of your story, your ego.”
STAY SANE!
John Homewood
Integrative Spiritual Life and Consciousness Coach
Founder Journeys of Awakening, Mind Enhancement Systems & Wisdom to Nourish
Author: Spirit Connection
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