Loving oneself through Anger

“My mother frequently told me “You’re just an angry little girl”.

I could never quite understand that comment or labeling because I have swallowed more feelings than most. I’ve numbed myself more times than I care to admit to. I’ve kept my thoughts and feelings under cover so as to not cause harm or worse, to not allow for others to then harm me. I’ve grown up being super sensitive and aware of the said and unsaid feelings and actions of others around me. Expressing myself was not something I did. I tried. At times, invariably, due to so little practice, and very little acceptance of “expressing self”, when the feelings got too big for me to keep them numb or contained, the frustration at not being able to manage it all would flow out in a barrage of badly managed emotions and frustrated energy. But not often because I didn’t like being labelled an angry little girl.

As I sit today, feeling very angry, I recognise that the energy of anger did not come out enough.

And I recognise that it is a purposeful, required expression in loving ourselves authentically.

You don’t need me to go into the yadda, yadda of girls and women haven’t had voices for so long and that that is what makes them hysterical, over emotional and too sensitive. You’ve read and heard others describe why women are angry; and bad/wrong for being angry, etc. What I’d prefer to explore is the loving act of allowing that anger to be the transformative flame that restores us back to our core self, and lets us settle firmly within the foundations of our personal values and needs. I’m sitting today with my own small revelation (aha moment, yes) that I am not an angry little girl but instead I am an empowered woman free to feel the anger and embrace it, listening to what it is telling me, as a loving act of kindness, acceptance and gracious communication to myself.

So here, I sit. Angry. I am angry. About a lot of things. Some big some small. I’m even angry that any of this matters!

And yet, underneath it all, I feel this powerful but gracious rush of doing right by my Self by just feeling it and proclaiming it. Naming it and seeing that the world doesn’t fall apart because of it, let’s me know I’m unharmed and safe. I don’t have to transform it (fires burn out if you don’t add more fuel anyway) today or even tomorrow possibly. Instead I’m just going to feel it. I’m writing about it. And I’ve written all the things I’m angry about in list form. It was cathartic, like a gratitude list, only more fiery and short lived.

So many times I’ve told my daughters, it’s ok to be angry just don’t harm yourself or others because of it. Feel the anger and then transform it so that you don’t have to keep that energy inside of you, harming yourself. Today, I’m clearly parenting myself as I parent my daughters, because I’m giving myself permission to be and feel the anger that is currently filling my body and mind. And I know, that the fuel that actually burns within me, is self care and love.

Now if I could just get the tears to fall, those powerful healing tears, I can drench the flames with some self nurturance too.”

Much love always

Colette

Colette, mother to 2 beautiful daughters and author of “Spirit in Pregnancy & Birth – Practical and spiritual care, ceremonies and celebrations” has always had her heart set on helping others through her ability to listen, feel and then support through guidance and a change in perspective, offering emotional support that lets people feel safe and heard.

Loving to share her experiences, knowledge and perceptions of the world around us, Colette has many interests that fuel her sharing and nurturing nature: Alternative modalities, nutrition, women’s health, conscious birth and parenting, astrology, Mother Earth, transformation, healing, channeling, spirituality, Mother Nature and much more.

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