Do You Want To Be Right Or Do You Want To Be Happy?

Relationships are difficult, let’s face it. We have all experienced at some point in our lives, discomfort in a relationship. We have all found ourselves arguing with someone, whether that’s a loved one, or just some perfect stranger. It our default to want to be right and my word, sometimes we will go to whatever lengths necessary to prove that we are right! Sometimes those lengths extend to a point where we even forget where they started. This is such a sad reality.

When finding yourself going through some kind of altercation with someone, it is really important to ask yourself the question : do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? We need to learn to choose our battles and I say this with all seriousness.

I was deeply saddened when just recently one of our South African cricket players chose to jeopardise his career as a brilliant cricketer rather than take a moment to show respect and support for anti-racism. What was even more sad for me is that there were so many people who backed him on this decision. I’m happy to see that this whole situation has died out in the media and it didn’t get as much exposure as perhaps he hoped it would. But honestly? Perhaps sport in South Africa has become political and perhaps it’s not necessary for a governing body to enforce that players take a moment before the game to show their support for a cause. So I have to ask, did that particular cricketer want so badly to be right that he was prepared to no longer do what he is passionate about?

We make knee-jerk decisions based purely on emotion and we know that decisions made in the moment, without taking the time to consider the consequences, will never end well. We will choose to end a relationship that means the world to us, rather than be shown to not be the one who was right. We focus so much on issues that feel like priorities for us just because we don’t want to be seen to lose face. Are our egos actually that dominant?

As you journey through life, your priorities do change and with age, you have the benefit of having been through it all. But that doesn’t mean that you have to wait until you’re almost at the end of your life before you learn that it just isn’t worth it. Our relationships are worth so much more than proving in the moment, for self-gratification, that we are right. Essentially no-one in an argument is right or wrong. Getting caught up in a negative interaction with someone is just a waste of energy. You could be so much more easily served if you used that energy to benefit you and the other person. And for the most part, each and every one us of know this, yet we still choose to allow our ego to make the choice for us.

People need to learn to be more kind to themselves and more compassionate with themselves. Because that’s where you learn to be more kind to others and more compassionate to others. When you do find yourself being drawn into some negative interaction, step back. Shut your mouth. Don’t say anything that you know you will regret. Don’t believe that you’re the only one who can tell someone what they need to hear because, believe me, they don’t need to hear it.

It’s vital that you always ask yourself if what you are about to do and say will be for the benefit of yourself and the other person. And if the answer is no, then you know that to move forward is going to have a detrimental outcome. It’ all about practicing The Pause. Think before you say what you think. Keep your emotions in check and keep your thoughts to yourself. You will most certainly find that your life will be much more peaceful and you will benefit from a health perspective as well. Cari Palmer wrote us a beautiful article this month entitled Don’t be a Salmon – I hope you’ve read it.

My guide always tells me that it’s not easy to swim upstream and why should you try to. I’m not saying at all that we just go with the flow and allow others to walk all over us. What I’m saying is just be kind because when you practise kindness, you can’t be judgemental, you can’t be nasty, you can’t get angry and you can’t say things that you can’t take back.