It’s not Just Who you Are that Defines You

We define ourselves by where we live, what language we speak, our religion, our height, even our eye colour; these are simple choices we make which are often situationally based.

But what defines who you are and where you are going? There are many ways to define yourself. Some people find it helpful to think about their values, interests, personality traits and goals when trying to define themselves. Others may consider their relationships, careers, and life experiences as important components of their identity.

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Our identity plays a huge role in our life. Having an identity can give you a sense of belonging, which is important to your wellbeing and confidence. You might make friends with others who have similar interests to you. This will make you both more optimistic and also more open to people from different backgrounds.

One of the most important aspects of our personal identity is our values and personal beliefs. These are fundamental aspects of identity and can help you recognize what matters most to you and determine where you stand on important issues.

Your identity plays an important role in how you treat others, how you show up in the world and also how you treat yourself. Our identity is an important element of what makes us who we are. This leads me to our personal truth.

We each have a personal truth and by that I mean, that thing that we believe about ourselves to be true. We often hear people say, that’s just how I am. It’s me. It’s what I’m like. But how much do we understand that our personal truth is what has been written on our slate from our absolute earliest years? How much do we understand just how difficult it is to erase that message from our slate, to wipe it clean and redefine our personal truth?

The very interesting thing about our personal truth is that through our personal truth, we generate the results in life that we believe we deserve. Just think about that. Because of what you believe to be true of yourself, your identity, who you believe you inherently are – your life is shaped and moulded. The more you buy into that personal truth, the stronger that foundation of your belief system becomes and we know that for the most of us, that belief system does not serve us well. It does not bring to us the life we would love to be living.

So if it is not who you are that defines you, then what does?

When asked what defines her, this was Oprah’s response : “It’s a big and important question indeed. The answer sets the course for everything that follows. What defines me determines how far I see myself growing and the boundaries I won’t cross in order to get there. I will not do anything that wilfully causes harm to another person. What defines me is answering the call to Truth—capital T—in every moment. That’s why small talk makes me jittery. It feels fake, like we’re just pretending to have a conversation. I have such an aversion to it, I go numb inside. I can’t look people in the eye because the whole time I’m thinking it’s so beneath us to be talking about trivial things when our world is burning.”

She went on to say : “I’m defined by my desire for comfort. I like comfortable people who share my values of kindness and treating others well; I notice how the people I hang out with speak to waiters and housekeepers. I like comfortable clothes; pyjamas, or any facsimile thereof, are my favourite thing to wear. And I like comfortable surroundings; I enjoy putting my feet up and curling up with a soft blanket at even the hint of a chill in the air.”

I love these descriptions from her, because it makes me see that it’s not only what we perceive to be the very big and meaningful things that define us – it can be something as simple as wearing a pair of pyjamas!

It’s definitely much more than what we believe of ourselves and so today I encourage you to think of yourself differently. To not always be so serious about yourself. To not always be so ready to berate yourself for not living up to the standards that you believe others have set for you. I encourage you to live your life the way you want it to be and to move your focus from believing that you can only be defined by placing yourself in a restricted box. By only believing one thing about yourself and then forcing yourself to remain within that restriction, that limited belief about yourself. I want to encourage you to find a way to move away from your limiting beliefs and to see the world as a place that you belong and feel like you’re accepted no matter who you are.