Jen's Journey - Heartbreak | Spirit Connection

A physio at the hospital whom I have known all the years I have worked there popped in to chat to me about my surgeries. She specialised in lymphoedema and gave me some information to read and suggested that I make an appointment with her to chat about it. Well, that was rather mind boggling to say the least! She showed me how to stimulate the lymph nodes in the body and gave me various exercises to do, some of which I had done whilst in hospital having physio but was not told to continue indefinitely at home or why I should continue. Tight fitting clothing, shoes and even jewellery can cut off circulation … not good… sores, rash, redness, increased temperature or pain in the affected limb / area where the lymph nodes have been removed and bites have to be watched carefully and treated straight away. Even having blood pressure measured in that area, in my case my ankles, should be avoided! Sunburn is to be avoided and sun cream to be worn and I need to watch out for extremes of temperature as that can overload the lymphatic system. Make up and toiletries which are Paraben free are advised as well as keeping the skin moisturised. She suggested that the stockings be replaced every 6 months … at around R2 000,00 per pair that is rather costly for most people and at this stage I am waiting to hear if my oncology benefits will even cover my first pair. I have to be careful of so much that can put my body at risk. Should my body start to swell a 5 layer full body bandage would be applied to reduce the swelling. Reminds me of those midnight drive-in scary movies about mummies who wake up in their tombs and scare everyone. Once lymphoedema has set in it is irreversible … not something I would like to have. Injections, acupuncture and wet cupping are also to be avoided.

There goes my tattoo :D… my sons would have heart failure if I had to have one anyway. How different my life is turning out to be!

I have started eating more healthily which is not a bad thing. My stomach is not yet back to normal and internally I am still tender. Certain movements like going over speed bumps or pot holes cause discomfort. I can also feel that I have been tied up internally.

I watched a You Tube clip when I got home from my 1^st surgery and saw all the internal work that is done. It is going to take some time for that to settle.

I try to walk a little in the hospital where I work instead of sitting at my desk all day. Movement and any exercise are good for circulation and oedema however the intensity should be built up gradually. I have noticed lately when I wake up that I have bags under my eyes… never had before. Apparently it is a sign that the lymph drainage is re-routing which is a good thing. I have lost 5kg so far and hope to lose a lot more!

At home I was not able to do very much even though I had 6 weeks sick leave to allow my body to recover as much as possible. There was still so much I wanted to do but had to rely on Ryan and Aggie to help me. We rearranged furniture with me acting as foreman. Normally I would just do it all on my own. I got tired very quickly and was in bed most nights by 8.00p.m., this has not changed!! When I finally went back to work I was exhausted by the time I had worked a full day and then come home and cooked dinner.

On Friday 13^th September Marc had messaged me with a list of the side effects of his blood pressure pills and he wondered whether he was actually having panic attacks or if his symptoms were the side effects. I told him to get it checked out as his meds may have needed to be changed. 2 days later he messaged to say that he had been admitted to hospital the evening before with severe chest pains and his family thought he was having a heart attack. Scans and an ECG revealed no heart attack. Again we thought it may be the side effects of his BP meds. 2 days later he said he was expecting the cardiologist to see him and that they did not think his BP meds were causing the problem but rather his heart. As in the Durban hospital he was referred to a psychologist?!! He was also told that being diabetic his kidneys were not in a good way.

He had seen a Specialist Physician / Endocrinologist at a private hospital in Durban when he was still on medical aid 2 years prior and we were told then that his kidneys were badly damaged and that he had to watch his heart as well. He was supposed to follow an eating plan from the dietician and do exercise. We live in a very hilly area and although we went walking twice when I got home from work it was too much for him.

For some unknown reason he told me and everyone else that the doctors in the Government hospital in Durban had said that he no longer had diabetes and could stop his insulin!! As I had not gone with him to his appointments I could not verify this but I did question him about it. He was insistent.

It did not seem as if he was going to be able to get permanent work locally or contract work out the country at this rate and I advised him to look into a disability pension. He agreed with me and said he would be doing so.

4 days later he said that whilst he had no chest pains his kidneys were now one stage from total renal failure and they were going to do tests to see if he would be able to have dialysis if needed. He would only find out what the urologist had decided once these were done.

On the 19^th September I had my follow-up appointment with the gynaecologist-oncologist and was given the news that having taken 19 lymph nodes from my right side and 11 from my left the results were clear … negative … no cancer!! That was wonderful news for me. I was advised to avoid foods high in oestrogen and told that HRT was definitely not an option for me.

On 21^st September Marc messaged me to say that the hospital had no water!! You can only imagine how awful that must have been. It only came back on the following evening!

He then asked why my food tasted so delicious but the hospital food tasted like wallpaper paste. I wanted to reply that it was because I cook with love but I was out and didn’t get to respond although he knew the answer.

On 24^th September Marc said that he had got back results of his scan which revealed kidney stones in both kidneys. He was taking half a Disprin daily as a blood thinner and as a result said he had been told he could not have surgery. He also had narrowing of the arteries and was seeing the Cardiologist the following day. The Urologist ordered a catheter to see if his kidney function would improve. An angiogram with contrast could not be done because, he was told, it could do irreversible damage to his kidneys and they were now at the last stage before failure.

On 27^th September we chatted around 6.00a.m. I had messaged him as I had seen a post from his cousin in the U.K. on Facebook about an aunt who had passed away. He did not know who it was but said that he had had his worst night and had not slept at all. He said that he had stood up all night as when he lay down he battled to breathe. (He had been doing this for some months already but we did not know how ill he really was!) I asked if the nurses had helped him but he said that they told him to tell the doctor when she did rounds. He said that she was normally there by 6.30a.m. A little later I sent him some information on downloading an app so he could listen to podcasts. He read the messages but did not reply which was not like him. I thought maybe the doctor was attending to him.

The day was busy. I had started to slowly sort things out at home but was very limited in what I could do besides I tired easily. That evening I cooked dinner early and was in bed by 7.00pm and fast asleep not long after that!

I woke at 11.30pm with my phone ringing and could see that it was Marc’s sister. I knew it was not good news. She told me that he had had a massive heart attack and had died!! I listened in disbelief. He was only 56 years old. This was not happening. We ended the call and I phoned his daughter as I had then seen a message from her asking if she could phone me. In my sleep I had not heard the message come through otherwise I would have been given the devastating news from her.

The next few weeks were difficult. I am blessed to have some amazing people in my life. 1 friend came and spent time with me just holding space and allowing me to be. Words were not necessary. Her presence was very comforting and I am extremely grateful for our friendship. We have also walked a similar path in some respects.

A small memorial service was held at the motorbike club that Marc had been a member of. It was with friends he had known for a long time and who were such “heart-open” warm caring people. I know that he would have appreciated his send off as it was simple and informal and the pastor who had known him had his own memories of conversations they had shared, as did a few of the people there. It was appropriately also at the bike club where we went to a function the day we met so our relationship had come full circle.

Marc’s family were to hold their own memorial service in Johannesburg with family and friends that had been part of his life when he had lived there.

In 2½ months I had had someone reverse into my car, undergone 2 major surgeries for cancer and endured the death of the man I loved. I thought that was it but there was more to come.

2019 has certainly had its challenges, especially the last 3½ months. Writing about it and sharing only gives you a glimpse into what I have been through but again my spiritual beliefs have kept me strong. I have had so many changes as well as support from family and friends for which I am so grateful.

I asked her if she was okay
And she said “i’m fine i swear”
But when i looked into her eyes,
i clearly saw her struggles there.
she quickly looked away,
and tried her best to smile.
she said softly “i’ll make it through this,
it’s just taking me a while.”
i knew she was hurting,
and i knew her pain was deep.
but she felt the burden was hers,
and hers alone to keep.
I reached out to her,
and our hands entwined.
I said “i love you my friend,
so your burdens are also mine.”
(via The Shy Poet)