My Beautiful Unreal Reality

On Saint Patrick’s Day, I got the keys to my new house. This step in my life has been long overdue. I have been more than ready for this moment; somehow, it doesn’t feel real.

On April 11th, I walked along the beach, which is merely eight minutes from my front door. I always start my walks by walking into the wind, which can be in any direction where I live. It is often quite cold and painful this time of year, but it is the understanding that once I turn around, it is smooth sailing and much warmer the same distance back.

During this walk, I felt the same feeling I’d felt every time I walked here. The overwhelming feeling that “this is my beach! I live here.” It couldn’t sink in. It didn’t make sense. How could someone like me live on the ocean? It didn’t compute. I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

As my crazy world works now, the universe quickly threw out a visual remedy to help me understand. Lately, I get mini-movies shown to me, like a life-review, yet while I am still among the living. I get to experience the feelings I lived through during a different and challenging time in my life.

In a vision, I saw a scene from my previous marriage. My husband was emotionally abusive, and I was in the middle of nowhere with him in Ohio. The ironic part about him and this relationship, it was a step up from the physical abuse I had endured for much of my childhood. I assumed emotional abuse wouldn’t be so hard to take; boy, was I wrong? At least with physical abuse, you can see the scars.

When I was in the scene, I immediately felt the sick feeling in my stomach that I had every moment of my life back then. I remembered a life of absolute misery and constant sadness. Who lives in this kind of pain? I cried myself to sleep every night. I remembered feeling like I was in prison. I was never happy back then. I felt like I had no options. This life was my sentence, and I had to figure out how to shut up and deal with it. These were all the cards I had to play.

Then, the vision switches for me to experience contrast. How I live and feel today is always happy. I remain in gratitude and find beauty in everything. I am always in constant bliss.

It is hard to describe this other-worldly experience – other than I watch as these scenes unfold. As they do, I allow myself to experience the mini-movie as it plays out. I saw myself in that miserable time of my life. I felt trapped, and I knew there was no way out. I felt like I was in prison, and I would be stuck in this place forever. From that painful scene, it jumped to where I am today.

When I was deeply in misery, and it was what I chose every day, I got more of what I thought about; this is how the Law of Attraction works. There is no getting around it. When I was unhappy every day, I got more of what I knew to be true – without fail. Now that I have unfolded to this space where I am always happy and live in bliss, why should it not be so that I live in a house on the ocean?

Honestly, the idea that I have changed my life so drastically in just six years will take me a long time to wrap my brain around. The bottom line is that we do get what we think about, period. When you think happy thoughts and you live with an upbeat attitude, you get more of the same.

When you take the time to reflect on your life, how do you feel every day? How do you approach your moments? If you believe the world is a scary place and that only bad things happen, I’ve got bad news for you. If you look through an uplifted lens, just a little bit, you will start to see a shift in your world.

How we feel is everything. For over thirty years of my life, I was a victim. I couldn’t see anything good, nor would I think about finding gratitude in anything. This is the key! Even in the darkest depths of your life, find the happy. Find a nugget that will turn your moment around. It takes one nugget at a time to start building that new mountain that you will summit. Just make that choice.

It’s funny because now I cry more than ever in my life. Today, they are happy tears, tears of immense gratitude and happiness for the miracles I receive every day.

From where my life was in my mid-thirties, no matter what path I took, I still wouldn’t have been able to see myself living in an ocean view home. It was not in the trajectory of my future in my vision. It couldn’t be. Dreaming that big was out of the question. It is as challenging as changing your race. It can’t happen.

Can I once and for all show you that beautiful things happen to everyone who wants them. I didn’t see myself as deserving of this life back then, but now I do. Want more. See more in your future.

I don’t know when this will sink in, which is perfectly fine with me. I love the daily realization that this is real, and it hits me once again that it is, and I still can’t believe it. It is a miracle, and I will always be grateful. My beautiful, unreal reality. I don’t mind if it never sinks in.

Cari Palmer