Relationship Wisdom

I decided to do an analysis of the types of questions that I’m asked when I do readings for my clients and I can’t say that I was surprised when the word relationship came up as the most frequently asked question. Generally the question is around something like ‘will I ever have a meaningful relationship?’ ‘will I find someone to love me?’ ‘will I remain alone for the rest of my life?’ ‘can I truly trust my partner in my current relationship?’ ‘is my relationship with my partner going to end’ is my relationship with my partner strong enough to withstand what we’re currently going through?’

I could probably quote at least another 20 questions, all around relationships. If it’s not a question around a romantic relationship, it’s around a relationship with a sibling, or parent, or child. It’s a question around a relationship with a friend or an ex partner. A lot of questions are asked around relationships with employers or employees. I would however say that at least 90% of the questions I am asked around relationships are in reference to either past, current or future romantic relationships.

Seeing into the future is so difficult for our spirit guides and of course, it’s our spirit guides who are passing the messages on. Whilst our lives are plotted out so to speak, for all the big things that will happen or rather, need to happen, in order for our spiritual growth to take place, it still isn’t cut and dried that any medium or her spirit guides can see into the future. And I would say that goes for anything, not only relationships. But when you consider that relationships play the most fundamental part in our spiritual growth and journey, then you can understand why it is that so many questions asked in readings relate to relationships.

The wisdom that comes from my spirit guides and I have no doubt many other spirit guides through other mediums, is that the future can only be foretold, based on current behaviours. By that I mean, that if you are behaving in a particular way that does not bring you a desired outcome, nothing can alter the future outcome, except for you changing your behaviour.

The best predictor of future behaviour is relevant past behaviour. So when you’re looking at your relationship with say your romantic partner, and you’re not happy in that relationship, you have to first look to yourself and see what kind of behaviour you are expressing. You have to be able to recognise that there is a strong possibility that there is something about you, that is causing the relationship to fail. I’m not saying that there are never two parties in the wrong, but you can only change you. And you can only change you, when you recognise and acknowledge that something needs to be changed, and then do so.

Should you be single and asking the question, will I ever find true love, my guide will always tell you to look to yourself and evaluate what you have to offer as a potential partner. Are you absolutely 100% happy with who you are, and would you enter into a relationship with you? How much fun are you to be around? What are your amazing qualities that you can work on enhancing so that they are what stands out, when you present yourself to a potential partner?

Most people when looking at this question, have a very clear picture in their mind of who or what they want as a partner. What qualities they look for and what they are prepared to ‘settle’ for. But, they never take the time to look to themselves first. And that’s a really important step in the process of finding someone who you can love and who will love you – both unconditionally.

If you have been deeply wounded by a previous relationship, or you have not 100% completed and ended off your previous relationship, that’s the starting point for you to heal yourself. Know that you cannot bring an unhealed person to a relationship and believe that the new relationship will heal you. It won’t work and that relationship will fail. You cannot place responsibility for your happiness on the shoulders of someone else – it is unfair to them and the expectation will never be met, purely because it is humanly impossible to even believe that you can be responsible for the happiness of someone else.

According to Dr Jordan Peterson, successful relationships are all about creating a space where the boundaries are clearly defined, and each partner can trust the other to be completely open about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. He says that the secret to a good marriage is simple: ‘Do things together that you both enjoy.’ I love that last comment! Just last year I watched a series of interviews with people who had been married for 50 years and longer. The one couple said that the key to the success of their marriage was that they would always find something that they could do together. They went sky-diving, deep-sea fishing, snorkeling, deep-sea diving. They spent a couple of months in the Amazon Rain Forests experiencing a whole different way of life. When they spoke, you could actually see and feel the love, admiration and respect that they each had for other even after some 60 years of marriage. They said that some of their adventures would not have been the first choice of their partner, but that they believed that they could support each other through whatever it was that they decided to take on and watching the other work through their fears and uncertainties, only helped to cement the respect that they had for each other. What an inspiring couple and people that we can all take a leaf out of their book!

Interestingly Dr Jordan Peterson also says this about the purpose of life : ‘The purpose of life, as far as I can tell… is to find a mode of being that’s so meaningful that the fact that life is suffering is no longer relevant.’ I bring this up, because I believe that our purpose or how we see our purpose, plays a huge role in our relationships too. When you can live your life with purpose, the doubts about yourself disappear. You forget about your perceived short-comings and you lean into being your absolute authentic self. And that is very attractive to a potential partner. Just something to think about!