“Way back when, when Grade 3 was called Std 1, and I was 8 years old, I was asked by my teacher, along with the rest of the class, to write a story about an Autumn leaf that falls off a tree and goes on an adventure. Not a big ask and actually a lovely activity for practising creative writing and harnessing a young child’s imagination.
Except for me! It has become the “freeze frame’ I think I’ve eventually identified as the moment I truly took on the belief that I am incapable and useless. It represents me failing at all that I attempt. It is the activity that I think my inner child stays stuck in AND the point in time that my inner child still rules my adult self from.
Sitting in that classroom, having to write a story on an A4 piece of paper, using a pencil and eraser, remains probably my earliest childhood memory. I can feel the texture of the paper and my absolute despair at not being able to come up with one single idea of where this dead/dying Autumn leaf might adventure to. I can see the paper, wet with frustrated tears that have soaked the paper so much so that my eraser and repeat attempts to write something have made a hole in it. The feelings I can still access from that day: despair, stupidity, frustration, incapable, alone, distressed, pathetic, distraught and incompetent. I remember wondering what on earth was wrong with me?!
I’m 47 now. And this ‘little’ incident has shown itself to me multiple times in my life. But only now, on facing the act of letting my Inner Child go to play so that it no longer holds me back, have I realised how much power that child and that moment have wielded over my life and struggles of “uselessness”. To release this child from safely “protecting” me from the pain of that moment, I’ve decided I need to eventually write the adventure story of this leaf. So me being me, firstly I did a little exploration into the symbolism of a leaf. I love symbology and use it frequently in trying to unpack situations, dreams, intuition and much more.
Some leaf symbology to chew on…
- It is a symbol of life and energy.
- Green leaves are known to depict hope, renewal, and revival, but dead leaves represent decay and sadness. In general, leaves are symbolic of fertility and growth.
- Leaves fall off trees when they aren’t doing their job anymore.
- All leaves are absorbing the light of the same sun (usually representative of our own father as well as the God father figurehead). Thus, the sun is a force that unifies the leaves.
- The tree of life symbolizes immortality and eternity, knowledge and wisdom, strength and protection, abundance and growth, forgiveness and salvation.
- Leaves can stand for growth and rebirth.
- Leaves may also represent impermanence and things that fade, the annual shedding of the old to make way for the new.
- Autumnal colours also reflect maturity or growth.
My creative story was meant to be about an Autumn leaf, falling off a tree because it was time for the little leaf to leave the tree and fall to the ground…
Why my resistance to this creative adventure opportunity?
Why the inability to write? Where was the fear coming from?
Looking at the symbology of a leaf (end of a cycle, leaving the tree, becoming part of nature cycle of decay and renewal, etc) what was I scared to let go of?
Very often children have this innate ability to ‘enter into’ or ‘become’ the very thing they are imagining. Why could I not ‘enter’ that leaf and just allow it to take me places?
These are some of the questions that reading the leaf symbology ignited inside of me. Trying to now get inside the head and heart of a young girl that clearly was sensitive to the symbology of this item of Nature is near impossible for me now. I don’t recall feeling like my life was ending, and yet I was told at the time that this “out of character” behaviour of mine must be due to my mom expecting my half-brother. I don’t recall feeling like I was energetic, adventurous and full of life as a child – perhaps that’s where this pain first showed itself to my little girl? I couldn’t identify with being a life-full leaf in the first place, and therefore wasn’t able to picture adventures of my own? No wonder my creativity was all dried up with nowhere to go!
Ironically, as a Scorpio Rising person, the word Abscission (from Latin ab, “away”, and scindere, “to cut'”) does not hold a negative connotation for me as I look at this ‘freeze frame’ and at my life. That which is dead and decaying, and no longer serving a purpose, needs to be cut away from so as to transform the energy and focus, so as to bring about clarity, new life force and perhaps a silver lining or two. The leaf is me. The leaf is my life adventure. The leaf is the vehicle that experiences the adventure. The leaf is alone but part of a whole. The leaf is whole, a whole leaf.
Using symbology has given me a deeper understanding of what that moment in time means to me now. I encourage everyone to use symbolism as a guidance tool. And as I finish off writing about this symbolism, I’m going to start writing my leaf story: Literally, for my 8 year old, and metaphorically speaking for my 47 yearr old self as I continue to co-creatively live my new and better story daily. The silver lining? We can re-write our stories as many times as we want to and need to.
– Much love always
Colette”
Colette, mother to 2 beautiful daughters and author of “Spirit in Pregnancy & Birth – Practical and spiritual care, ceremonies and celebrations” has always had her heart set on helping others through her ability to listen, feel and then support through guidance and a change in perspective, offering emotional support that lets people feel safe and heard.
Loving to share her experiences, knowledge and perceptions of the world around us, Colette has many interests that fuel her sharing and nurturing nature: Alternative modalities, nutrition, women’s health, conscious birth and parenting, astrology, Mother Earth, transformation, healing, channeling, spirituality, Mother Nature and much more.
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Author: Spirit Connection
Spirit Connection is an online platform to facilitate connecting light workers with people seeking their help.
