Together We Can Stop and Eradicate Abuse (GBV)

In SA, where one-in-five women is reported to be a victim of domestic violence at some point in her life. This is amongst the highest incidences anywhere in the world.

According to a 2014 study by KPMG, gender-based violence (GBV) costs SA between R28.4bn and R42.4bn a year — or between 0.9% and 1.3% of GDP annually, which is, sadly, in line with global GBV estimates.

If we want to address and eradicate abuse then it needs to be a holistic approach championed in the home, by Government and in organisations and it needs to address both perpetrators and victims. If there were no perpetrators, we would not have victims.

We need to be clear on where the roles and responsibilities lie across these 3 areas and actively participate, speak about, and engage in for changes to be sustainable for the longer term.

So what does that mean exactly?

In the home:

Parents set the tone (culture and values) by which the family functions and thrives and this is where we as children get exposed to, and experience what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.

Children mimic their primary caregivers behaviour which then becomes the norm for them. We learn to respond and react to what gets acknowledged and what gets punished, in other words consequences for our actions and behaviour.

We need to teach both our daughters and our sons as to what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour by being conscious and aware of our own behaviour and the examples we are setting for our children, our families and in our communities.

In the workplace:

Leaders set the tone for the corporate culture, values, vision and mission and employees will mimic the leadership behaviour in the organization based on what is acknowledged or rewarded and where there is accountability. This will be evident across a number of areas such as: rewards and recognition programs, ability to have tough conversations, the upholding of policies and procedures, ethical behaviour and how situations are handled and consequences thereof.

We need to teach our employees what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour by being conscious and aware of our own behaviour and the examples we are setting for our employees, our customers, our service providers and our stakeholders.

By Government:

Gov needs to lead by example in addressing this epic pandemic (SA has the highest rape statistics in the world) through the allocation of the necessary resources and expertise to address this issue at a community level, a public sector level and in polices, bills and Acts that are representative and inclusive across all gender levels, i.e. men, women and LGBTQ, and that it address all forms of abuse (physical, sexual, mental, psychological and financial).

How do we start?

Very simply by identifying and communicating what is and what is not acceptable behaviour and holding people accountable for their actions, for example:

Examples of Healthy Behaviour	Examples of Unhealthy Behaviour
In the Home
Trust Respect Ability to resolve conflict Communication Free to speak openly Nurturing and caring relationships with partner, children and family. Healthy family dynamics and support structure Taking an active stand against abuse	Any form of abuse Continually feeling anxious, fearful, or afraid of your partner/home environment Being controlled, manipulated or broken down The use of negative coping mechanisms – substance abuse, addiction etc Getting stuck in the ‘blame game’, stonewalling or being shut down by your partner. Lack of communication, unresolved issues
In the Workplace
A physical and emotionally safe working environment. Access to resources (e.g. employee wellness etc). Supportive environment – of family roles and responsibilities Opportunities for growth A ‘speak up’ culture where employees are able to raise issues and concerns and they are addressed Mental health and wellbeing is included in business strategies and priorities. Taking an active stand against abuse	Bullying Sexual harassment and misconduct Negative coping mechanisms – substance abuse and addiction Sexual innuendo’s and comments A ‘shut up’ culture where employees are not able to speak up for fear of intimidation or losing their jobs. Mental health and wellness is a tick box exercise (e.g. annual wellness days) Toxic corporate culture Lack of communication, unresolved issues Ignoring abuse and looking the other way

We can no longer send abusers off to anger management classes whilst victims fear for their safety and grapple with the long-term effects of their trauma.

Together we are stronger and can stop abuse if we really want to but, it is going to take courage to stand up and say no more, this needs to stop whether you are a perpetrator, victim or active citizen.

What’s your choice?

If you would like to know more about our GBV services and training options, please get in touch.

Paula Quinsee: Relationship Expert and passionate advocate for creating healthy relationships at home, in the workplace, and against GBV, to co-create a more human connected world and positively impact people’s lives. Paula is also an international speaker and author of Embracing Conflict and Embracing No. More info: https://paulaquinsee.com/

In honour of my beautiful mom, Maureen, who passed on the 8th March 1997 (Glynis)