The Extreme Depth of Grief

In the space of just last month, I had three family members pass into spirit. Two, perfectly young men and one elderly gentleman. No matter the age, the news is always a shock and leaves you unsure of how to move forward.

One would think that doing the work that I do, I would know what to say to those who have been left behind to help them manage the pain they’re going through. But that’s just not true. I am always at such a loss for words, because I know that it doesn’t matter what I say, I can’t ease that intense pain. Even knowing that the soul continues to live; that the departed have but moved on to another state of vibration; telling someone who has just been told their loved one has passed, is empty and meaningless.

The first of my family to pass was a young man who had experienced a freak accident in his home. A bright, beautiful and talented dress designer in Hartebeespoort, I would not be surprised if you read about his passing on social media. His immediate family faced three grueling months of watching him fight through the pain of healing, only to be told that the end was in sight and that they had to prepare themselves. How do you do that!? How does a mother prepare herself for the death of her child!!??

The second family member was a beloved father and grandfather. His daughter residing across the other side of the globe, had to make the two day journey to get to South Africa to be with her mother. Her brother, living in another province in South Africa, had to go on standby for the first available flight out of Natal and eventually only got to be at his mothers’ side, late that evening. Can you imagine the pain of their mother, being alone with only friends to help her through that traumatic day, when all she needed was her children to be gathered around her?

The third family member was a beautiful compassionate young man who worked in service to others his whole adult life, however short that was. I have no idea how his father coped with this shocking news, having buried another child last year and one a couple of years ago. How do you bury three of your children?!

When you’re on the sidelines experiencing these people’s pain, life does not seem fair at all. I have had so many readings, I can’t even tell you how many, where I have connected parents with their children who have passed over. Or connected daughters and sons to their parents. The pain that resides there within their hearts, never goes away – whether it be that their loved one has passed just recently or over 20 years ago. Someone told me that the grief we feel when we lose a loved one is the price we pay for love. And I can understand that statement, but somehow it makes me feel like we should be cautious about loving, because we’re going to be faced with unimaginable grief when the person we love passes, and that’s unfair!

Love is a feeling and an experience that we should all encounter throughout our lives, preferably as many times as is possible and for as long as is possible too. When we love, we are just different. Our world is just different. Love is what makes us want to be better people. It’s what makes us want others in our world to be better people and it’s what motivates us to help them wherever we can to accomplish and achieve a happy and fulfilling life. It’s what motivates us to look after our health and to take care of others. It truly is what makes the world a better place in ways that sometimes just cannot be described! And I love that for us all.

There are few things that we as humans crave. We all want to be heard. We all want to be seen. We all want to make a difference no matter how tiny, in someone’s life. We all want to feel needed. We all want to be acknowledged. And we all want to feel loved. And we get to feel all these things when we love and when we are loved.

So I guess the message coming out of this experience for me, is to truly cherish those who share your life. Whether they’re your family, friends or co-workers. Whether they’re you’re therapist, doctor, dentist or domestic worker. Cherish every interaction that you have with everyone. Seek out the good in every one of those interactions and know that you are here for a purpose and you are doing yourself a disservice by denying yourself that purpose. Love and let yourself be loved!