Sometimes Life Happens

Every self-help book and life coach will tell you that you need to set goals and work towards those goals. As someone who deals with people on a daily basis, helping them through the challenges, disappointments and stress of daily life, I agree totally that having goals to work towards is absolutely what we should do. They help us to move forward in a way that creates self-motivation and allows us to feel little (or big) spurts of a sense of achievement.

But what happens when life happens? And by that I mean, what happens when life throws something at you that prevents you from achieving your goals? Each of us through the span of our lifetime, will experience a life-altering event – something cataclysmic that catapults us off the road we’re on. There will always be those moments that shake us up and send us spinning in another direction.

When we find ourselves coming out of those experiences, those moments, it’s very difficult to get back on track, to breathe life into our original goals. Very often those goals no longer seem achievable or even something that you want to achieve. Along with this dilemma comes a sense of failure, a sense of lack of self-confidence and usually a lack of zest for life.

It’s in these times that we need to really turn within and identify once again who we are, and what our purpose is. There’s a lot of talk at the moment about finding your ‘Why’. Why am I here? Why is it that I’m living this life? Why do I do what I do? Why do I react the way I do? Why do I feel the way I do? It’s a great way to look at your life, especially when you’ve been through a traumatic incident that has taken you along a road that you never anticipated. You see, when we set goals, we’re usually in control of the road that we’re on and when we’re able to keep ourselves on that road, our goals are, for the most part, fairly easily achieved.

It’s almost as if we need to have a plan B. How do I move through a time of crisis and once I’ve come out the other side, how do I pick up my life again. It’s all about believing in yourself, knowing that you can place yourself in the most vulnerable of experiences, and still be strong. Of course when we face the huge challenges that come our way, we will feel vulnerable and it’s absolutely so important at that time, to be kind to yourself and to allow yourself space to work through whatever the issue is. However, the time will come when you need to regroup, when you need to find that starting point again. Because being in a bad space is so necessary, as long as it’s a temporary space. And of course during that time, there will be great lessons for us. When you can recognise that there is a lesson there and what the lesson is, you can let go and begin once again to move forward in your life.

If you find yourself in the bad space for any length of time that begins to feel not normal, not natural, like you’ve been there too long, and you find it too difficult to lift yourself out of it, then you know that it’s time to consult with a professional. Someone who can help you to understand what has occurred and to help give you the tools that you need to find your way back to your road. Believe in yourself. Believe that you have the power and capacity to make those decisions for yourself, whatever the choice may be. Never doubt yourself and when you do, check in with yourself to see if the doubt comes from a perception or if it comes from actual reality. Is it a fear of what is to come or a fear of what has just happened, what is in the past?

John Lennon said : “Life happens while you’re busy making plans”. And that is so true! We cannot anticipate or plan for everything that happens. Life is unpredictable. We can’t control or re-direct everything, and sometimes all we can do is accept it as it is, move through it, and pick up again where we left off, if that is at all possible. The alternative is to start anew and opportunities for starting over present themselves all the time. There’s no shame in changing lanes, sometimes it’s exactly what you need!