So often, our external challenges are manifested due to our internal conflict. The less inner conflict we have, the clearer our thinking, the more balanced our emotions are and our actions are aligned with authenticity and integrity. This will attract the energy to help us manifest our heart’s desires and feel worthy of it. We can experience life with more happiness and joy.
However, to minimise inner conflict, you first need to recognise it. Become aware of signs of an unhealthy relationship you may have with yourself such as; if you find yourself often overreacting; supressing your feelings; behaving compulsively; continuously feeling a victim, being in constant judgement and criticism, etc. These behaviours are all related to one thing and this is really important – you are avoiding certain feelings.
Empower yourself to identify those feelings that you have been avoiding and you give yourself permission to confront and deal with those feelings. Yes, it may be hard however the realisations and growth that can come from it is very rewarding.
We can use our challenging times as our biggest learning opportunities to break down our inner conflict. When we find ourselves in the midst of external challenges, we may be quick to finger point our challenging circumstances and feelings of blockages at either other people or God. We sometimes find false comfort in convincing ourselves it is faith (“it is meant to be”). Why? Because it is easier to find an excuse rather than to face the truth and deal with our true feelings.
In challenging times, ask yourself these two questions:
- Have I done everything I possibility can (that in is my control) to change my circumstances for the better?
- Are my words, thoughts and actions in alignment? Meaning that you are speaking what you are thinking (communicating your true thoughts) and you are acting according to what you are thinking and speaking.
Only when your answer to both these questions are “yes” then you can surrender to faith and trust in the process of life to take over. Yet, keep connected to your inner wisdom – trust your intuition to guide you as you ride the wave of faith and await the transformational outcome.
If your answer for either or both questions are “no” then dig deeper to determine what are your limiting factors that need to be shifted in order to clear more inner conflict. However, be aware that your ego may rise and defend as you venture into dissecting your inner conflict.
Remember when your ego dominates, you will struggle with discernment. You may become so overwhelmed and conflicted that you disconnect from your intuition, your gut feeling on how/what to do and how/what not to do. You either give up when you should continue to persevere or you overdo it when you need stop, let go and surrender.
One of the key contributors to inner-conflict and us disconnecting from our true self is our lack of Self-worth. When we feel “not enough” whether it is ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I have not done enough’ – this lack of feeling ‘enough’ is what constantly pushes us into a vicious cycle of questioning and doubting ourselves, seeking continuous validation from others and sinking into worry and fear.
The lack or low self-worth feeds on feelings of guilt, blame and shame. If you tend to hoard these feelings, you are only keeping yourself trapped in being a “victim” and give away your power to change your circumstances and to be free.
Guilt, blame and shame induces other negative feelings. As we dwell in more and more negative feelings, we strip away more opportunity to attain peace and contentment within ourselves. We become conflicted, confused and even lost. This may lead us to saying one thing whilst thinking something different and then reacting irrationally.
We end up being one of the biggest boulders on our path to the life we really want!!!
How to confront inner conflict and step out of your own way?
- Improve your self-worth.
Know that ‘You are enough’ just as you are, that your ‘best efforts are enough’.
Stop feeling guilty or allowing others to make you feel guilty. Explore what are your limiting feelings or beliefs of “not feeling or being enough”. Then address those limitations to release guilt.
Stop blaming yourself or others. Take responsibility where needed and empower others to take responsibility for themselves. Blaming yourself, others or even God, keeps you in victim mode.
Stop being ashamed of yourself or others. Mistakes or poor choices happen. Take the learning from them and move on, grow and evolve from them. Allow others to do the same.
A fundamental way of freeing yourself from inner conflict is to let go and release yourself from past guilt, blame and shame and learn to live without it as you move forward.
- Self-Forgiveness and Forgiveness of others.
The ability to recognise that the most important person we need to forgive is ourselves is the foundation to healing inside out and shifting inner conflict. Forgive yourself for all the times you put yourself last, neglected, abandoned, abused yourself in some way.
Self-forgiveness also supports us in freeing ourselves from grudges, guilt, blame, shame and so much more. When we are truly able to start forgiving ourselves then forgiveness for others becomes easier. Practice forgiveness daily even if you feel there’s no forgiveness to be done.
- Trust in yourself. Trust in life.
It is difficult to trust yourself or life when you adopt the victim role. You give away your power, you become helpless and everything feels like it’s falling apart. You may pray and seek help however very little improvement comes from these efforts. You may feel you are doing everything you can however it is an illusion because you let go of what is in your control and operate in reverse, attempting to control that which is not in your control.
Take back your power by trusting your inner wisdom, your intuition and overcome the victim (ego) mindset. Do your best and trust that it is enough. Keep repeating to yourself “I am enough”. Your heart, your spirit will eventually register and you will start to connect to the feeling of ‘feeling enough’! The result of feeling enough will further help you to release guilt, blame and shame and thereby leaving more room for trusting in yourself and life itself.
- Speak your truth.
In order to speak your truth, you need to be truly honest with yourself – therefore you need to be free from illusion and denial. Recognize your victim attributes – what stories are you telling yourself? Be aware of your self-talk.
What are you triggers? Your triggers teach you about yourself. Be open, ready and willing to face the truth about yourself.
Identify the limiting beliefs and limiting feelings that keep you from speaking your truth and expressing yourself freely. Once you become aware of your limitations, endure to shift your limitations. When you speak your truth, your energy vibrates authenticity and integrity and you will attract people and situations that will support the same.
When you step out of your own way, you clear the path to deepen self-love!!!
“Life is a journey of continual work-in-progress and learning. You choose how bumpy the ride is, how fast or slow you go, how much adventure takes place on the way and how much joy you experience along the way!”