Breaking Down to Build Up

“On drawing a card, for comfort and guidance, regarding a moment or three that I had last week, I am comforted and reminded of Spirit’s continual presence when I picked the card “Transformation”. The beautiful and gentle Butterfly Maiden reminds me of what I already knew – that change is afoot.

Last week, I underwent what must be some form of cracking a shell to release what’s inside. Or the breaking away of a structure that then reveals a different perspective on the room you’re standing in. It is transformation through the simple activity of energy expressed.

I woke up the one day, knowing I felt out of sorts on the back of having explored the notion could I really trust my feelings, my intuition and my emotional self? I’d questioned myself the night before, joining dots regarding ‘big moment’ times in my life where if I was brutally honest with myself. I’d probably done and actioned more in accordance with my feelings and my intuitive sense than by applying an equal dose of practical, self care and looking out for my long term needs.

As a deeply feeling, and intuitively strong individual questioning whether these very parts of me had hindered me, undone my successes as such, was a humbling process. I was having to face that the very strengths I believed I possess also looked as if they were the characteristics that got me into circumstances that cannot be undone.

This questioning unravelled an entire Pandora’s box of belief systems, emotions and perceptions. Round and round I found myself coming back to the stance of “what is the point?” and “I know nothing”. All of that questioning left me breaking down into floods of tears and an overwhelming sense of breakdown. Belief systems that I’d held as self knowledge and destiny were showing me that the handle I thought I held actually was an illusion and one that may not have been as protecting and beneficial as I would’ve liked. Or was it?

Breaking down. What does that mean? We can break down thoughts, feelings, perceptions. We can break it all down into smaller chunks of ‘why?’ and ‘how?’ and ‘is it true?’. We can break down as in the activity of falling to the floor or in my case, tears and an overall distraught sense of self. We can also metaphorically break down the shells of protection and control we thought we had firmly in place so as to be ‘on top of things’. In breaking down those casings, it definitely meant I was not on top of things but instead had ground floor views of my life thus far.

In coming down to ground so to speak, I’ve had to offload a lot. I sincerely know less now than a week ago. In having a bottoming out of sorts, it’s not so much about “the only way is up now’ as much as it is a different foundation upon which to build new learnings. And it’s in that student position, that I get to now progress forward with new learnings and new perspectives.

Did my feelings and intuitive sense get me into situations that could’ve been avoided or handled differently? Yes. Does it change that I’m a feeling and emotionally rich individual? No. But can I build upon the humbleness of not knowing and build it into a curious eagerness merged with measured thought and practical self care so as to continue learning in ways that allow me to embrace, accept and fall lovingly into this part of me? Yes. I trust.

And so it is that I transform again, from this into that, from certain to unsure, unattached to outcomes but honouring the feelings and intuition nevertheless, open to building upon that which I broke down.

Much love always

Colette

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Colette, mother to 2 beautiful daughters and author of “Spirit in Pregnancy & Birth – Practical and spiritual care, ceremonies and celebrations” has always had her heart set on helping others through her ability to listen, feel and then support them through guidance and a change in perspective, offering emotional support that lets people feel safe and heard.

Loving to share her experiences, knowledge and perceptions of the world around us, Colette has many interests that fuel her sharing and nurturing nature: Alternative modalities, nutrition, women’s health, conscious birth and parenting, astrology, Mother Earth, transformation, healing, channeling, spirituality, Mother Nature and much more.

[email protected] +27 82 354 8873