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The day I almost checked out

The Day I Almost Checked Out

I have purposely selected a ‘glib’ title to this article.  Whilst near death experiences are very real, I also want everyone to see the absolute positive side.

Parts of my memory around this day are somewhat blurred.  It was the 21st October 2017.  I had been in intensive care since July of that same year.  During this time, I had experienced the removal of my gall bladder, fought my way through septicemia, had 12 ½ litres of water removed from my abdomen, only to find that I had abdominal TB.  With all that was going on, I had been vomiting and had full on diarrhea for more than 6 weeks.  To fight off the septicemia, I had been on long term treatment of five different anti-biotics as well all the other pain meds and my chronic medication. Then with the introduction of medication to fight the TB, I just got so sick.  I couldn’t focus anymore., I had no idea, on a fully conscious level, of what was being done to me.  I couldn’t follow properly which doctor was seeing me for what.  I couldn’t tell the difference between the cleaning staff and the medical staff.  All my organs had started to shut down and the greatest concern was my liver.  I had become severely jaundiced.  My children had been told by the doctor to expect the worst.

To say that I was exhausted by the 21st October, is putting it lightly.  I had not slept properly for months.  By that day, I could not take any more and I decided it was time to go.

I spoke to my guide, Oshvaria, who I knew would be with me, but I was too weak to even feel her energy.  I told her to take me, I was done, I just could not deal with being ill anymore.  The night before was probably the worst night I had ever experienced.  I felt like a caged animal, tied to a bed through a mainline drip which went directly into my jugular vein.  With the heart machine constantly monitoring, wires all over the place, oxygen around my face. Machines beeping all the time. I have no words to describe the anguish I experienced.  It was as if my whole world had become this moment, a moment where I was too ill to care, too ill to want to remain here on the earth and fight.  My only thought was that if I could escape to a place that I know exists.  One where there is no pain, one where the sun shines on your face all the time.  One where I would be at peace, no more pain, no more confusion and no more having to struggle with this physical body that was giving up on me.

Somewhere within that fog that surrounded me, through the chaos of doctors and nurses working around me, making me comfortable, making sure that I did not die, I had a feeling that I had to hold on.  Somewhere, somehow, reaching deep down into my very soul, I could hear the guides talking to me.  In that moment, I felt safe, warm, loved, free, but at the same time, I had a realization that my children has just buried their father six months earlier.  How could I do this to my children and my grandchildren? What a selfish thought!  How could I expect them to deal with my death, just because I was too tired to bother trying to get better?

I found myself telling the doctors that they need to stop all medication, which they did.  I did not want to put one more chemical into my body.  It was as if someone was guiding my mind, inspiring me as to what to say, and how to deal with my situation.  I know now that it was Oshvaria!  I know now without a shadow of doubt that she never left my side!  I know now that as I clung onto the last vestiges of my life, she was there to help me out of the fog and confusion.  She knew what was best for me and I followed what she was telling me to do.

Within the next two days, I was feeling better.  I was getting stronger and much more of clear mind and that was when I realized that if I didn’t completely take control of my own medical care, I would not make it out of the little glass room that I had lain in for so long.  I began to speak to the doctors and work with a dietician to get my body to accept food again.  Another amazing doctor was sent into my space by what we could call pure coincidence, but of course I know that it was being orchestrated from a higher place.  This doctor is the leading doctor in charge of the TB Clinic at Steve Biko hospital.  Together with my doctor, she worked out a treatment regime for me that was not the standard South African protocol and slowly my body accepted the medication and I got stronger with each passing day.

I remained in that little glass room in intensive care until the 28th November 2017 – a total of four months.  I had been to the most darkness place I could ever experience but have also experienced the love and the light that comes directly to us from the world of Spirit.  The compassion that I was shown on that day, I will never forget.  I am so confident that I know exactly where I will be going when I do finally leave this earthly existence.  I know without doubt that I will be returning home.  I have had a tiny taste of it.  The circumstances surrounding this experience were just awful, but in the moment between this life and the next, I have no words to describe the absolute sense of peace and calm that I experienced.

I’m eternally grateful to Oshvaria for her help always, but on that particular day and through those trying four months.  I know that she loves me unconditionally and that she will always be at my side.  I’m eternally grateful that I have lived to see my grandchildren grow, to meet my new little granddaughter and to be waiting with love and anticipation for another new grandchild in January next year.

If you’d like to share your experience with Spirit Connection readers, please send me your story – I’d love to hear from you.

In Love and Light


Spirit Connection
Author: Spirit Connection

Spirit Connection is an online platform to facilitate connecting light workers with people seeking their help.

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