“All parents are responsible for having an impact on their children whether they are aware of their actions and its ramifications, or not. All children will be impacted upon by their early life years no matter how ‘good’ or ‘bad’ their childhood is.
And so it is that our personal journey evolves out of this union of “Nurture” between parents and children. The question is what is the purpose behind these relationships and the existence of finding silver linings where it may appear as if there are none?
It is widely believed and taught that our beginnings hold the clues to our issues, but also to our life purpose, our heart and soul dreams and the answers to knowing ourselves.
I grew up with divorced parents who were both present in my life. Very little else marks my growing up that is out of the ordinary, or traumatic or ‘big deal’ as such. I experienced a very average and pretty mundane childhood as my physical needs were always met, my school performance was never worryingly low or unacceptable and I truthfully believed I was A-ok. In fact in high school, I thought I was super sorted and on top of my game socially as I was participating in everything that was social, cultural, sport, academic and leadership oriented that the school offered.
And yet, somewhere, somehow at some point, no matter what happened to me and no matter whether what I experienced was deemed positive or negative, there was a definite crossing over from being a child that is on the receiving end of life to being the soul-ly responsible person who responds to, reacts to and creates my life.
My life does not hold big excuses or justifications for wounds, issues and pain such as one might ascribe to a child of alcoholic parents, or a child sold for sex or even a child growing up with major disabilities. I am truly blessed and very privileged in so many ways. And yet, I’ve had moments where my own perceived pains and wounds have literally left me emotionally crippled or unnecessarily defensive and guarded. For many years as a young adult, I counted my blessings, knowing that any injustices I may have felt were nothing compared to what other people have endured. But why then did I still feel abandoned and joy-less? Enter one of the biggest life lessons I’ve carried with me now for ages: your pain, your perceptions, your issues, your life journey and how you perceive life is no better AND no worse than that of any other. It is yours. And theirs is theirs.
Looking at our story, past and present, becomes our responsibility because it is ours. It’s our road map. It’s our experience. We look through our lenses and our perspectives. It’s our expression and it’s our dance and engagement with what does and does not happen to, for or with us. So we look with open eyes and an open heart. We must look without judgement or comparison. We must look at our journey with kindness and grace. And lastly we must look at ourselves consistently throughout our adult life with the understanding that things can and do change becauses perceptions shift, faulty beliefs are exposed and replaced with healthier ones. When we are looking backwards on our 15th year of life as a 30 year old, we will interpret that year differently to when we per chance across the 15th year again, at 47 years old.
One’s spirit/personality/soul becomes the integral force that determines the outcomes and journey experience. It is not about what happens to us that speaks volumes of who we are. Instead, our soul development comes from what we do with life and it’s “happening to us”.
Ultimately, a person will be driven by their soul in determining if they grow and flow with the (detached objectivity) experiences they had or whether they (ab)use what has happened to them to limit their version of themselves – an excuse for why they are the way they are. Deeper than the life journey, this visit to Earth – is the soul in the background, driving it’s deepest desire to grow and develop, to evolve and become conscious of the spirit presence on Earth living in a human’s form. Stuff happens to the human – but it is the spirit and soul that determines the purpose and quality of our experiences as we get older.
It is because of this that we have to let the Inner Child free to go and play at some point, because it is for the adult to do adult work so that the child’s experience no longer hinders our adult experience of this world. We are power creators and saviours of our own processes.
Yes, as children our parents and their actions ‘happened to us’, creating our first foundation to build upon. Therein after, I’ve forged my own inner “structural engineer” and reworked those foundations so that I now build my best life ever. I can be great-full for the parents I have, as they’ve ‘nurtured’ me into this life, whilst my personal nature ensures I get the most out of this “ride’ here on Earth. I’ve reworked past incidents into silver linings and gems of understanding, learning my strengths, dreams and purpose.
– by Colette Van Heerden
+27 82 354 8873
Everyone has a story.
Everybody has bumps, bruises, chips, issues etc – no-ones’ story or childhood trauma is any more special or worse than the next person because each person has their own story and own journey.
Whilst the facts or specific details may sound more horrific in one person’s story than another, even that is heard through the filter of the person listening to the story being told. And guess what, their filters are based on their own life and journey.