My husband had been in and out of work but was not well enough to remain employed in his last job. He moved in with friends who were looking after him.
He got so ill that his 3 sisters came out from the U.K. each for a short period of time to see him and deal with his affairs together with my sons. We were still not divorced at this stage but I was not seen as part of his life despite all we had been through and all the years we had been together.
His oldest sister came out last and as he was fortunate to have a British Passport he was taken to the U.K. with her when she returned in August 2014. There he was registered on the National Health System and in May 2016 was eventually the recipient for a liver transplant. He developed sepsis post operatively and the family were advised to get to the hospital as soon as possible. My younger son who was living in Hastings in the U.K. travelled to Birmingham. My older son had just received his visa and got a flight a day later from South Africa to be at his side. Again he rallied and my older son spent 2 weeks in the U.K. mostly seeing his father and meeting with the doctors who were treating him.
I had been for a few readings over this time. In one I was told to see him as my hero. At first I thought this very strange and was almost horrified but when I listened to what I was told I saw the truth and wisdom in these words. Had he not walked out I would have stayed in the marriage enabling him, taking out loans to survive and not making him take responsibility for his actions. He always thought I would be there. What a shock it was for him to see how I had changed and that I was standing my ground!
By him walking out I had to find a way to survive. My sons still lived at home with me. We had to deal with his debt. I sold most of my jewellery to help cover some of this. My older son who was working used his savings to help out as well. My younger son was still studying. Yet again I had to dig deep and ask my angels for their help and guidance. My boss very generously increased my salary to help me. I learned to stand on my own 2 feet. What a wonderful empowering feeling that was even though it was not easy!
I had also been told, and I believe this to be true, that we have been all things in many lifetimes so we should not judge too hastily. This gave a lot of food for thought and is something that I constantly remind myself of!!
In April 2013 my very dear and close friends, Ian & Marian, took me on holiday to the U.K. 10 days from London to Scotland back to London and on to Amsterdam and Zandvoort-aan-Zee then back to London before coming back home. So much to see and do in a short space of time!! A trip of a lifetime and a wonderful experience never to be forgotten.
My life at home continued. I was seeing clients after hours and at weekends. I have a closed meditation group and we meet once a week. I went out with friends and also spent a lot of time at home. I was used to my own company as my husband’s line of work for most of our marriage was in the hospitality trade and that meant he worked weekends and after hours doing functions.
In September 2013 friends of mine introduced me to an old family friend of theirs. He was working out the country and had been in Durban for a few days for an interview. He invited me to a party that night and we had a lovely time. Normally I would not have gone but as he was well known to my friends I agreed to go. He flew back to Johannesburg the next day and we remained in contact. We would Skype, email and message each other. Our friendship grew as we got to know each other and eventually developed into a beautiful relationship.
Marc encouraged and supported me in everything I did. He showered me with gentle love and tenderness. A beautiful soul who made an impression on all he met even though sometimes he could rub people up the wrong way as he was very strong minded.
He continued to work out the country and we saw each other from time to time when he came to Durban as he was based in Johannesburg at that time. At the beginning of 2015 he moved to Durban but after his contract ended he was unable to find permanent work in Durban and took a job in Mozambique. I saw him for a few days every 3 months. He agreed that in light of Mike’s health I should not pursue the divorce, besides he knew that I could not afford to.
By the end of 2015 he had moved in with me and he got a job in Durban. My family were not very happy about this but I also felt my older son needed to have the life of a young person instead of the responsibility of watching out for his Mom. Not that I did not appreciate him doing so!
Marc and I had such fun together. He brought so much sunshine into my life, broke down the walls I had put up around me and healed my hurt making me feel whole again. My spirit felt alive, I glowed and my eyes shone. I am told that I helped to heal his heart too. We enjoyed the simple things in life … walking on the beach, watching a movie together at home, eating ice cream cones and his favourite … a waffle with ice cream at our local waffle house with a cream soda float or a chai tea. Time spent with friends was always good.
Once I knew that my husband was over the worst of his liver transplant and on the mend I made enquiries about emailing the papers to the U.K. as legal fees were mounting and I could not afford to take out any more loans as I had already borrowed large amounts for legal fees and I was battling financially. He agreed to me doing this but then we found out that as he was out the country and we had to go through the High Court! This would be so much more expensive! I felt frustrated and although I had the option to do this myself I knew that I needed it done properly. I decided to wait a while longer.
Then one day in July 2017 as I was sitting at my desk at work waiting for a patient to arrive … I knew this to be a young man as I had dealt with him previously … I became aware of an older man in the passage way watching me. As I looked up he came into the rooms and I asked if I could help him. He looked at me and replied “I am not a ghost you know”! I nearly fell off my chair. I did not recognise him but I did recognise his voice! Despite the fact that he had aged he did look healthy. He then asked if I could go for a cup of coffee. I had not spoken to him for some time although we had communicated via the odd email and his sudden arrival in my office had thrown me completely even though friends had kindly told me that he was in S.A. for a short while. My boss had seen him talking to me and asked if I was alright. I told him who it was as they had never met and asked if I could go out for a short while.
Mike said he had come to tie up some loose ends, belongings that were stored with various friends and to sign the divorce papers! I had so many emotions rising to the surface … unresolved anger … things I wanted to say but I didn’t, couldn’t … I have always been one to rather wait for the right moment to discuss issues calmly. Besides, we were sitting in the coffee shop surrounded by people.
My parents fought a lot at times when I was a child and this has left its mark on me and it was not something I wanted my sons to be witness to. Only on about 2 occasions towards the end of my marriage did I retaliate. By then I had had enough.
As soon as he left I went back to my office and emailed my attorney to update him and asked if we could finally get things moving. I asked if a court date could be set for after my husband’s return to the U.K. as I preferred to do this on my own and not have him present in court. A few days later my attorney called to tell me that a court date had been set for 8 September 2017.
The day finally arrived … it was just over 5 years since he had walked out on us and I had started divorce proceedings!! 5 years!!! I took a day’s leave and went to court. My dear friend Marian was determined I was not going to do this alone and came along to support me. My attorney took us upstairs to J court where I was 3rd on the roll to stand before the judge.
My attorney had explained briefly what I should do and expect and how to answer the questions put to me … I had to face the judge throughout this. He then went to introduce himself to the judge in his chambers and put my case to him.
At 9.00a.m. Mr Gumede, the judge, came through and decided to do pre-trial cases first. We sat patiently listening to these cases. Then a lady representing herself was called up and her divorce order was granted. Next it was me … after taking the oath and answering a few questions I had to confirm that the unabridged marriage certificate was mine as was the Ante Nuptial Contract that my attorney was holding. These were then handed to the judge. The certificate was returned but the ANC was attached to the court order. This was taken for the divorce order to be processed and posted to the attorney’s office. My attorney had explained that it would take about 3 weeks and then I would be able to go and collect it. He had also told me that my marital status would automatically be updated with Home Affairs. Satisfied the judge granted me my divorce decree and the paperwork was sent to be registered.
We left the court at 9.45a.m. … 35 years of marriage legally ended. As we walked out the courtroom I thanked my attorney and his assistant and turned to hug Marian who promptly burst into tears and turned to my attorney and his assistant saying “she has been through so much the past few years!”. We have been friends since before we got married. My husband and hers were best friends and even shared a flat when they did their hotel training together. We had attended each other’s weddings and we are godparents to each other’s first born. We have shared so much through the years and this was the end of an era.
I went directly to see her husband, my dear friend and financial advisor, to set up a retirement annuity for myself as the policy that I would have benefited from through my marriage had been changed in favour of my sons. Whilst I am happy for them had I known that this would be the case I would have started providing for my retirement a lot earlier rather than relying on my husband as it meant that at 59 years I had no provision for my retirement until taking matters into my own hands that day. That is a very scary wakeup call. I would urge any person starting work today to invest in themselves and prepare for retirement rather than relying on a husband or partner to do so for them as things change so quickly and unexpectedly. Although having said that I have to admit that I had had a very strong feeling that something like this might indeed happen. I should have listened to that guidance earlier but I am only human after all! My financial future planned I went home and phoned my sons then my parents and my sister to let them know that the divorce had been granted.
In the meantime Marc had brought his food caravan from Johannesburg and at weekends he would go to various markets or bike events selling from Marx Sausage Wagon. I would go along and help him and it was fun meeting people. Then listeriosis affected business and after a while with inspiration from my godson the caravan was transformed into Strips and Chips and Marc sold delicious chicken strips & rustic cut chips. Again I helped out for a while but my parents were not of good health and I needed to spend time with them besides the fact that I do work full time and weekends were my only time off to see clients, visit my parents and do chores etc. I was also finding it very tiring and I needed time out. Marc had to find someone else to help him with the caravan. During this time he had lost his job and the caravan became his fulltime means of income. In time this proved to be not so lucrative even though he persevered. He tried to find employment but was not finding that to be very easy.
My younger son came out on holiday from the U.K. and spent time in the game parks with friends who also came out on holiday. The more time he spent there the more his love of the bush grew. Each visit home he would spend time in the bush and at home with his friends. It was getting harder for him to return to the U.K. He has since decided to change his life and career and study full time to become a game ranger back home in S.A. He plans to move back in 2020.
When you decide to follow a spiritual path the Universe complies and your life changes. The saying “be careful what you wish for” rings true. Spirit sees the bigger picture and whilst at the time you feel as though your world is ending it is in fact just beginning. This too is something that I kept reminding myself throughout everything and it helped to keep me strong and focused.
Until next time …
Yours in Love & Light,
Jennifer Harris McGarvie
Hands on Healing